


My Confession

by pcrrycox



Series: My Epiphany [2]
Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-13 22:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: JD and Perry embark on a new journey, this time together.  Despite being fully committed to each other, JD has a little trouble feeling like he's truly part of this new, blended family.  Sequel to My Epiphany.





	1. A Little Bit of Love, A Little Bit of Learn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, all! So, this sequel has been in the works for ages and I'm finally just now getting around to writing it. I tried not to make it too sickeningly sweet, but I think it's about time both of these boys are happy - and permanently so. Rest assured, it won't be as angsty as the first part of the series.  
> As always, please let me know your thoughts! Kudos and comments are immensely appreciated!

              In all my years as a doctor, I had never seen something so incredible as watching my son being born.  Now that he was in the nursery and Kim was resting after a very long, exhausting day, I felt it was safe to step outside for a while.  My ulterior motive, of course, was checking my phone to see if Perry had returned my text; I had been so busy trying to support Kim and encourage her and then meeting my son – I had a son! – that I’d barely had any time to even think about Perry.  I trusted that he would understand that and not expect a response right away.

              I walked slowly through the hospital, noting the subtle differences between this one and Sacred Heart, the most notable being that everyone was a stranger.  I had worked at Sacred Heart for so long that even if I didn’t know their names, I recognized everyone I passed.  It was a large hospital, but everyone there was family.

              By the time I walked outside, my phone felt considerably heavier in my pocket.  I took a deep breath of the fresh evening air before I pulled out my phone.  Upon unlocking the screen, I was immediately alerted that I had a missed call from Perry.  I couldn’t help but smile as I wondered if this was the start of something really big.  I called him back and held the phone to my ear as I walked aimlessly down the sidewalk. 

              “Hello?”

              “So,” I said warmly, “you got my message.”

              Perry groaned.  “You just _had_ to start it with ‘I got on the plane,’ didn’t you?  Were you trying to give me a heart attack, Newbie?”

              “I didn’t even think of that!” I laughed.  My thoughts had been racing so quickly that I hadn’t even considered that Perry would think I was turning him down.  “No, I – I just wanted you to know that I made my choice.  Even if it didn’t seem like it.”

              There was a brief pause, and then when Perry spoke again, his voice took on a tender quality that I could only remember hearing a handful of times.  “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

              A warmth spread through me at the sentiment.  “I would love to say the same, but I’ve been a little preoccupied,” I reminded him.

              “How did everything go?” Perry asked quickly.  “How’s Kim and the baby?”

              “They’re both doing great.  Everything’s great.  I mean, she did kick me out of the delivery room for a while when I told her I wouldn’t be moving out here, but I got to see Sammy being born and… Perry, it was amazing.”

              “It really is, isn’t it?” Perry said softly.

              “I just can’t wait to watch him grow up, though that probably goes by faster than I think, huh?  Anyway, Kim told me she wanted to move back by us, and I said Kelso would probably take her back in a heartbeat.  Any change you could butter him up for me?  Or at the very least, not harass him?”

              Perry laughed.  “Consider it done.  It’d be much easier to see your son if he’s in the same city instead of two states away.”

              “Yeah, that’s what I thought.  I want to be there for all the big stuff, you know?  I want to be his dad, not just a father.  Does that make sense?”

              “It makes perfect sense, JD.”  I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to hearing Perry say my name.  “I can’t wait to meet him.”

              “Perry?”

              “Yeah, Newbie?”

              “I can’t wait to see you again.”

              Perry chuckled.  “You saw me less than twenty-four hours ago, kid,” he reminded me, fondness in his voice.

              “I know that,” I said quickly, “I just… it feels like I’m dreaming, like I’m going to wake up and none of this will have been real.”

              “JD, I can assure you that this is very real,” Perry said, his tone entirely serious.  “I’m not lying, I’m not pretending, and I’m not leading you on.  I sure as hell can’t blame you for thinking that, but the moment you get back home, _to me_ , I’ll make certain you know it’s real.”

              My knees suddenly felt weak at the devotion in Perry’s voice.  I didn’t doubt him for a second.  “What exactly did you have in mind?” I asked.

              “It’s a surprise,” he replied.  “Let me know when your plane lands, all right?”

              “Okay.  I’ll talk to you later?”

              “Sounds like a plan,” Perry agreed.  “Get some rest, kid.  You’re gonna need it.”

              “Bye, Perry.”

              “Goodbye, JD.”

              I lingered outside for a while longer after that, enjoying the cool breeze.  As badly as I wished I was with Perry or that he was here with me, I knew that I wasn’t ready to leave Sammy just yet.  I went back inside and made my way up to the nursery.  I picked him out right away; before today, I had always thought all newborns looked the same, but that was my son, without a doubt.  As frightened as I had been when we found out Kim was pregnant – and then finding out that she was _still_ pregnant – being a father was something I had always wanted.  I had no way of knowing if I’d be any good at it, but the overwhelming love I already felt for Sam was nothing short of incredible. 

              Everything already felt so real.  I was going to get to watch my son grow up into a person.  If we were lucky, he’d have all of our good qualities and none of the bad.  I made a promise then that I would always try to be the best father I could be.  Sam deserved the whole world and I swore that I would do my best to give that to him.  I wasn’t naïve enough to think that parenting wouldn’t be the hardest thing I had ever done, but I was definitely willing to try my hardest, to give Sammy everything I had to give.  For the rest of my life, he’d come first.

              I thought back to what Perry was like when he first found out Jack was his biological son.  He was so sure he’d be a terrible father, but he’d turned out to be pretty amazing if what I’d seen was any indication.  Now he had two kids and it was obvious he loved them more than anything.  I felt secure in the knowledge that Perry would be able to help me since he’d done it twice before. 

              And I didn’t just have Perry.  I had Turk and Carla, Elliot and Keith, even Jordan.  I had plenty of close, devoted friends that I knew would be more than happy to help out once in a while or step in when things were hard.  Suddenly, the idea of fatherhood didn’t seem so scary.  If Sam got to grow up alongside Jack, Jennifer, and Izzy… well, that would just be the icing on the cake.  I was finally a part of the group that was getting their lives together.  I wasn’t being left behind anymore.  I had a family of my own now, and they were all a part of it.

 

* * *

 

 

              The next evening, Kim and Sammy were both ready to be discharged; both of them had no complications and were perfectly healthy, for which we were all grateful.  I drove us back to Kim’s apartment, glancing probably a little too often into my rearview mirror just to see Sam.  Kim was tired, but happy, even if I had made things a little awkward between us.  I wanted to spend more time with my son, but my plane was scheduled to leave early in the morning, and then it was back to Sacred Heart to beg Kelso for my job back. 

              Once Kim was situated comfortably on the couch and Sam sleeping peacefully in her arms, I sat down beside her and pulled out my phone.  I sent a quick text to Perry, telling him when my plane was supposed to land tomorrow.

              “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” I asked Kim, careful to keep my voice low so I didn’t wake Sammy. 

              “I’ll be fine, JD,” Kim insisted.  “Until I find a place by you, I’ll have a nanny if I need help.  Right now, I feel okay, but I swear I’ll let you know if I’m having a hard time.  How does that sound?”

              “That makes me feel a little better,” I allowed, feeling better with the knowledge that she wouldn’t have to do this completely on her own.  “You can call me any time, day or night.”

              Kim smiled.  “I’ll probably take you up on that when he decides that sleeping through the night is overrated.”

              “We’ll have to Skype so I can see him, too,” I added, gazing down into Sam’s face.  “God, I’m gonna miss him like crazy.”

              “Maybe you can make it up here if you have a couple days here and there,” Kim offered.  “I know it’ll be a lot of back and forth for a while, but I’ll send you pictures and videos all the time, I promise.”

              I smiled up at Kim.  “I’m sure I can make that happen.  But Kim, are you sure you’re okay with everything?”

              Kim rolled her eyes, much to my surprise.  “JD, if you’re talking about Perry again, it’s fine.  I can tell by the way your eyes light up when you mention him that he’s a better fit for you than I am.  I think we both owe it to ourselves to find the right person, don’t you?”

              “Yeah, I do,” I agreed softly.  The right person.  Without a doubt, Perry was the right person for me.

              Before I left for my hotel, I said a long goodbye to Sam, treasuring the feeling of him in my arms.  I hoped I would never forget it, especially when I couldn’t be with him.  I made sure Kim had everything she needed before I pressed a kiss to her cheek and took a cab to the hotel.  I hardly had anything to pack up, and the last-minute things like my toothbrush and hair products didn’t take long at all.  I flopped down onto the bed and set my alarm so I wouldn’t miss my flight.  I only had a few hours before I had to leave for the airport, but I was exhausted.  Not even the enticing thought of seeing Perry tomorrow could keep me awake.

 

* * *

 

 

              Fate must have been on my side that morning, because my flight went off without a hitch, perfectly on time.  I was most looking forward to Perry greeting me at the airport – and may or may not have had a few fantasies about running into his arms, him lifting me off the ground – but Sam was on my mind the whole time, too.  Kim texted me a picture of him when they both woke up and I couldn’t resist showing the woman next to me.  She agreed that he was the cutest baby on earth, though she may have just said that to pacify me.

              By the time my plane landed, it was late afternoon, and I was practically jumping with excitement at the prospect of seeing Perry.  After all, I hadn’t actually gotten to see him in person since he asked me to stay.  I followed the flow of other passengers off the plane and out into the large waiting area.  I stood on my tiptoes and craned my neck, trying to find Perry in the crowd.  The longer I searched, the more concerned I got.  Had he gotten my text?

              Before I had enough time to really start worrying, Elliot slammed into me and threw her arms around me.

              “Uh, hey, what are you doing here?” I asked, embracing her and looking over her shoulder to see Turk, Carla, and Keith as well.

              “We’re here on special orders,” Elliot announced, looking like she might explode with excitement.  “But first, congratulations!”

              I couldn’t help but smile, and I hugged Turk and Carla and they in turn offered their congratulations, as did Keith, who offered a handshake.  I’d warmed up to him now that he and Elliot were engaged, but we still weren’t close yet.

              “Okay, what special orders are you talking about?” I asked once I had shown them all the pictures of Sammy I had on my phone.

              “They’re special,” Carla said firmly, elbowing Elliot’s side, “because they’re _secret_.  Come on, Bambi, you’re riding with us.”

              I was thoroughly confused, though it was pretty easy to guess that Perry had dispatched my friends for whatever special plans they were referring to.  I followed Turk and Carla to their car, gratefully skipping baggage claim as all I’d brought with me was a carry-on. 

              “Why’d you guys take two different vehicles?” I asked Turk, watching as Elliot and Keith went to their own car.

              “None of your business,” Turk said cheerfully.

              I shrugged and decided that my best course of action was to just go along for the ride, both figuratively and literally.  The drive back home seemed to take longer than I remembered, but I figured that was due in large part to my eagerness to see Perry.  It was obvious that all this had _something_ to do with him, but I was clueless as to what he had planned.  Neither Turk nor Carla would give my any information at all, and kept changing the subject to Sammy, which I was all too happy to go along with.  By the time I had recounted what it was like to hold him for the first time, we’d pulled up to Turk and Carla’s apartment building.

              “Get upstairs, shower, and put on the clothes I laid out for you,” Turk said, turning around in his seat to hand me their key. 

              “Am I being timed on this task?” I joked, rolling my eyes as I took the key.

              “Hell yeah you are,” Turk said, giving no indication that he was joking.  “You have twenty minutes.”

              I laughed as I slid out of the car and hurried up to the apartment.  I was quite grateful for the warm shower, though I tried to be as quick as I could.  When I walked into Turk and Carla’s room with a towel wrapped around my waist, I found the suit I had worn to their wedding laid out on their bed.  So Perry had something fancy planned, did he?  I couldn’t help the blush that spread over my cheeks at the thought, though I still really didn’t know what to expect.  All I knew was that Perry was apparently full of surprises.

              Twenty-two minutes after I’d left the car, I returned, dressed in the suit.  I couldn’t contain the excitement I was feeling, even as it began to war with my nervousness at the prospect of finally seeing Perry again.

              “That was longer than twenty minutes!” Turk cried as soon as I was back in the car.

              “I had to do my hair, Turk!” I retorted, gesturing to the glorious, tousled _masterpiece_ atop my head.  “I would expect you to understand.”

              “Is that a bald joke or a straight joke?” Carla teased, winking at me over her shoulder while Turk pouted beside her.

              “Little of both,” I informed her.  “So where are we going?”

              “Silly Bambi,” Carla said reproachfully.  “Stop asking questions or I _will_ brain you.”

              “Yes ma’am,” I said quickly, rather enjoying our playful banter.  Once the conversation died down, though, I focused on watching our surroundings, trying to figure out where they were taking me.  We drove for quite a while through the city and I watched as the sun began to set behind the horizon, turning the sky into a work of art with pale pinks and blues and deep, vivid oranges and yellows. 

              Finally, we pulled up to a restaurant that I hadn’t been to in years.  It was the same one that the four of us – Turk, Carla, Elliot, and I – had gone to when Elliot’s parents cut her off.  I smiled to myself as I remembered all of us dancing on the roof and eating a meal none of us could afford.  I wondered if Perry had chosen it because he knew it was familiar to me or just because it was one of the more upscale places in the city. 

              I was forced out of my thoughts when Carla killed the engine and I spotted Elliot and Keith standing outside the building.

              “Go on, buddy,” Turk urged me.  “Good luck.”

              I was suddenly much more nervous, though I wasn’t quite sure why.  I’d known Perry for seven years.  Why should this make things weird?  “Thanks for the ride, guys,” I said, forcing a smile.  “I’ll see you later.”

              I stepped out of the car, taking care to smooth out my suit before I started toward Keith and Elliot.  Elliot held out a single red rose for me when I got close enough and I was fairly certain my cheeks were about the same color. 

              “Take the elevator all the way up to the roof,” she told me with a soft smile.  “Have fun, JD.”

              I let out a huff of air that I hoped sounded like a laugh.  “Thanks,” I murmured, moving forward through the heavy glass doors that were at the entrance of the restaurant.

              This place was way too fancy for me and now I was going to have to sit through a dinner surrounded by a ton of strangers and try not to embarrass myself.  I could only hope that Perry would understand if I acted like a complete idiot.  The elevator ride seemed to take forever, but it was a tall building.  I spent the time checking my reflection in the mirrored walls, but they were slightly warped, making me look deformed.  Eventually, I looked away and stared at my feet until the elevator dinged, signaling that I had reached my destination.  A moment before the doors opened, I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the onslaught of thirty different conversations being had on the rooftop.

              It turned out that I couldn’t have been more wrong about what to expect.  My jaw dropped and I walked slowly out of the elevator, almost in a daze.  Before me was just a single table in the center of the floor, with a dozen roses in a vase as the centerpiece.  There were lights strung everywhere, casting a warm glow everywhere.  There were a few candles on the table as well, along with a bottle of wine and the sound of soft music playing.  Finally, I caught sight of Perry, leaning against the far wall and looking out over the city, where lights in the tallest buildings had just started to come on.  My nerves disappeared just as quickly as they’d appeared and I stepped forward to place my rose in the crystal vase with the others.

              “You weren’t kidding about making it real,” I said softly, unable to hide the smile from my face.

              Perry straightened up from his spot against the wall and turned toward me.  The smile on his own face was so warm and inviting that I was worried I would melt right where I was standing.  “Is it too much?” he asked, sounding a little embarrassed.

              I chuckled.  “Of course it’s too much.  I mean, you… you rented out an entire rooftop restaurant for me.  But it just so happens that I _like_ too much.”

              “Had a funny feeling you might,” Perry said fondly as I walked over to join him in looking out over the city.  “Barbie was a big help – surprisingly, I might add – but she said you liked the extravagant stuff when you two were together.”

              “Even with Elliot’s help, you didn’t have very long to put all this together,” I remarked.  “I’m impressed.  You never struck me as the romantic type.”

              Perry turned to face me, looking right into my eyes.  “I know you’ve been miserable for the last few weeks,” he said, lightly brushing his hand over my cheek.  “A lot of that was my fault.  This is my apology.”

              I started to shake my head, but Perry cut me off before I could really start to protest.  “It’s also my apology for the way I’ve treated you over the years.  I knew just _saying_ ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t cut it, and this probably doesn’t either, but it’s a start.  This is my way of asking for a fresh start, a clean slate, because I promise you, JD, things will be different between us now.”

              My hands found their way up to Perry’s shoulders, my way of keeping him close.  “Can I ask you something?” I murmured, hesitating for just a moment before I looked up at him.  He nodded, but I still couldn’t help wondering if I should bother asking what I wanted.  “Why did you wait until the night before I left to say something?  If you heard what I said in my sleep at the conference and you felt the same way about me, why did you let everything play out?”

              “Because I was terrified, if you can believe it,” Perry admitted with a rueful laugh.  “I know it sounds ridiculous, coming from me, but that’s the honest answer.  Even though things between Jordan and me had been going downhill for a while, she was comfortable.  I didn’t want to give up on her so quickly, but she ended up making that decision for me.  And then you said what you said, while you were asleep, and everything that I had been pushing down for years – _years,_ Newbie – came right back to the surface.  And it was still too much for me.  It didn’t really hit me that you were actually leaving until the party and I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t _try_.”

              “When you kissed me,” I said softly, knowing I’d be unable to tear my eyes off Perry even if I wanted to, “I knew I couldn’t leave.  Perry, I – I love you.  I’m _in_ love with you.  I know neither of us can see into the future and be sure that this’ll all work out, but Kim said that she and I both owed it to ourselves to find the right person.  You’re my right person.”

              Perry, with his hands on my waist, leaned in to kiss me with the same tenderness I’d felt from him at my going-away party.  It was so different than what I had ever expected from him, but it was definitely a welcome surprise.  The kiss lingered for a few moments until he paused without moving away.  “I love you, too,” he breathed, whispering the words against my lips.  His arms wound tightly around me, holding me in a way that left me with no doubts about the affection he felt for me – as if I ‘d been doubting it with the beautiful scene he’d created up here just for me.

              I kissed him again, moving my arms around his neck and feeling his tongue slide against my lips, begging entrance.  We stayed that way for quite a while, pressed up against one another without anyone to interrupt.  “I still can’t believe you did all this for me,” I said, a little breathless once we broke apart.  “It’s… Perry, it’s perfect.”

              “Get used to it,” Perry responded in a quiet but firm voice.  “I would do anything for you, JD, and I don’t want you to forget it.  I’ve spent long enough pretending that I don’t to waste any more time and to – to see you happy… well, that’s just about the greatest gift I could ever receive.”

              I was speechless for a moment, struck by the obvious devotion in Perry’s voice.  I had never felt so loved before, so wanted.  It was oddly intense, but I wouldn’t have traded it for the world in that moment.  “Rest assured,” I told him with a warm smile, “I’m insanely happy right now.”

              And it was the truth.  My life seemed to have finally turned a corner – I now had a son who I loved more than anything in the world and I also had Perry, who seemed to love me just as much.  All in all, it had been a very trying few weeks, but with an immense payoff that I had never seen coming. 

              Perry and I eventually made our way to the table in the center of the roof, where our food was waiting for us.  It ranked easily as one of the best meals I’d ever had, but it was made even better by the fact that I was with Perry.  We talked throughout the entire meal; I told him all about Sammy and how eager I was for Kim to move back with him.  Perry smiled the whole time, a look I quite liked on him as opposed to his usual grimace.  It made him seem much younger somehow, the way his eyes lit up as I spoke. 

              By the time we finished our meal, I was surprisingly all talked-out, but the last thing I wanted was for the night to end.  Much to my surprise, Perry stood and offered his hand to me and led me back out onto the dancefloor.  Music was playing softly over the speakers, slow and romantic, and Perry held me close, letting me rest my head on his shoulder.  I reveled in the feeling of his arms around me in the hug that I had spent years chasing and never felt returned until now.  Neither of us felt the need to speak and as I looked over Perry’s shoulder at the skyline of the city, I was struck by its beauty.  Every building now, large or small, was lit up, twinkling as if they were stars.  Those lights were just for us.

              Perry drove me back to my apartment afterward, though I wasn’t optimistic I’d be able to convince my landlord to let me keep my lease.  That would be a conversation for another day, though.  We were both quiet on the way there, our fingers laced together on the center console.  I gazed out the window at the city’s nightlife and wondered absently if anyone else out there was as happy as I was.  I doubted it. 

              “Walk me up?” I asked with a small smile when Perry parked outside my building.  I was going to do everything I could to make our night together last as long as possible. 

              “You got it,” Perry said easily, slipping out of the car and opening my door for me.

              I didn’t bother protesting the action, finding it rather sweet.  Perry and I walked arm in arm up to my apartment and I paused outside the door, turning to face him.  “Do you have to go?” I asked, straightening out the front of his suit.

              “I don’t,” Perry said, a soft smile playing on his face.  “No.”

              I grinned then and quickly unlocked the door, letting both of us into the apartment.  “You haven’t actually seen my new place yet, have you?” I asked, gesturing around the small living area.  “It’s not much, but –”

              Perry effectively silenced me with a deep, thorough kiss that spoke of the devotion and love he felt for me.  I sighed softly against his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck once again.  He was everything I wanted and everything I needed.  At that moment, nothing else in the world mattered but him.

              He pulled back to rest his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily, our eyes still closed.  “I love you,” Perry murmured.  “Can’t believe it took me so long to realize it.”

              I carded my fingers through his hair, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.  “It’s okay,” I breathed.  “We’re here now.  None of that matters anymore.”

              “I know,” Perry sighed, pulling back to look at me.  “And I suppose all these years haven’t been a waste… I’ve gotten to know you and you know me.  We don’t have to start out brand new.”

              “That’s right,” I agreed, smiling even as I yawned.  “It – it doesn’t have to be awkward or anything.  It’s still new, but it’s good.”

              Perry pressed another soft kiss to my lips before taking my hand in his.  “Come on, kid, let’s get you to bed.  I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

              “Maybe just a little,” I chuckled, leading Perry into my bedroom.  “I feel like I don’t have a right to be tired, though.  Kim’s the one who did all the work and she’s _still_ doing all the work.”

              “Didn’t you say she’d have help until they could move back?” Perry asked, shrugging off his suit jacket and folding it carefully. 

              “Well, yeah, she has a nanny who’ll be there everyday, but I guess I kinda feel guilty about leaving her and Sammy so quickly,” I admitted, starting to strip off my own clothes.

              “Let me ask you this,” Perry said thoughtfully.  “Do you think she’d reach out to you for help if she really needed it?  Because if you think she would, then I wouldn’t spend too much of your time worrying about it.  And Newbie, I know you, and you won’t leave the mother of your kid high and dry.  You’ll be a good father, too.”

              I flushed slightly.  “Thanks, Perry,” I mumbled, walking over to my dresser and pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt.  When I turned around, Perry was just finishing pulling his pants off and draping them over the back of the chair near my desk, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. 

              Of course, he caught me staring and I looked away quickly, moving to pull on my pajamas.  He laughed to himself and shook his head.  “What’re you acting embarrassed for?” he questioned, watching me in amusement.

              “I – I’m not embarrassed,” I stammered, making my words not at all convincing.  “You’re just… you’re kind of gorgeous.”

              Perry laughed again, sitting on the edge of my bed.  “I’m glad you think so,” he said, patting a spot next to him on the bed.  “Come here, kid.”

              I padded over to the bed once I had finished pulling my clothes on and sat down beside him.  “Yeah?”

              “You’re pretty damn gorgeous yourself,” he said, giving me no indication that he was anything but totally serious.

              I smiled and leaned in to kiss him, slow and soft, my hand on his cheek.  “Quit saying sweet things to me or I’ll never get any sleep,” I warned.

              Perry smiled against my lips, kissing me once more before laying back on the bed.  I quickly joined him, snuggling into his side under the covers.  I closed my eyes and sighed softly, resting my head on his chest.  “I’m afraid there will be no end to that in sight,” he told me.  “But if your biggest problem with us is my complimenting you, I guess there are worse problems to have.”

              “Can’t argue with that logic,” I said through another yawn, though I smiled widely when I felt Perry’s arms close around me.

              “Get some sleep,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head before I felt him relax into the bed.  “Love you.”

              “I love you,” I echoed softly.  “Never gonna get tired of hearing you say that.”

              I heard Perry say something, but I was already drifting off, happier than I’d been in a long time.  Everything in my life was finally looking up.


	2. In Your Arms is Where He Wants to Be

              When I woke up the next morning, I felt well-rested for the first time in a while.  Sunlight was filtering in through my window, casting a warm, happy glow on Perry and me.  He was still asleep and I watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically.  We’d hardly moved during the night apparently; my head was still on his shoulder, and he had an arm draped over me.  I smiled and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, closing my eyes as I settled back into the bed, content to lie here with him all day.  Maybe he’d actually let me, too.

              Not long after, Perry began to stir.  I smiled against his skin, reveling in the warmth between us.  I could tell when he’d finally woken up when he stretched and then pressed a kiss into my hair, which was probably a total mess.  I lifted my head, preferring any of Perry’s kisses to be on my lips.

              “Good morning,” I murmured, pulling back to see Perry’s eyes finally opening.

              “Mm,” Perry hummed, looking perfectly content with a warm smile on his face.  “Very good.”

              “Hey, do you want to hear about this amazing date I went on last night?” I asked, a grin spreading onto my face at the thought of it.

              Perry chuckled.  “I’d love to.”  I could tell he was just humoring me, but I wasn’t about to rein in my excitement.

              “He arranged for my friends to pick me up from the airport,” I began, positively giddy, “and they dressed me in my nicest suit before bringing me to a very fancy, very _expensive_ restaurant that he rented out the roof of with very little notice.  Still a little foggy on the details there, but I suspect he dropped a _lot_ of money…  Anyway, he wined and dined me and then we danced before he drove me home.  He even stayed the night and it was incredibly perfect.”

              “Did he remember to tell you that he loves you?” Perry asked conversationally, running his fingers through my hair.

              “He definitely did.  Not that I’d be opposed to hearing it repeatedly.”

              Perry chuckled and pulled me in for another kiss.  “I love you, JD,” he whispered when he ended the kiss.

              “I love you, too,” I giggled.  “I wish we could stay in bed all day.”

              “Why can’t we?” Perry asked politely, raising his eyebrows.

              I hadn’t been expecting to hear that answer from him, but I knew I had things to do and I was trying to be a responsible adult now that I was a father.  “I figured I should go see if I still have a job or if I need to start offering physicals on the street for money.  And this is technically not my apartment for much longer, so I should talk to my landlord.”

              Perry rolled his eyes, much to my surprise.  “It’s already taken care of.”

              “What do you mean?” I asked in confusion.

              “I mean that I talked to Kelso, explained the situation, and he said, and I quote, ‘Took you long enough, didn’t it, Perry?  Tell Dorian the job’s still his.’  I _also_ reached out to your landlord and he said you’d been a good tenant thus far and he’d be happy to renew your lease.  He’ll drop by early next week with the paperwork.”

              I floundered for a second, stunned that Perry had done so much for me.  “Wait a second,” I said incredulously, “you’re telling me _Kelso_ knew?”

              Perry laughed, seeming amused by my reaction.  “I’m afraid so.  But you don’t start back up until Monday, which means you and I have the entire weekend to ourselves.”

              “You don’t have to work either?” I asked hopefully.

              “I managed to get Kelso to let me have the weekend off.  I think he’s a bit happier than he let on about us.”

              “Wow,” I said in wonder, mystified by the idea that _Kelso_ of all people had been rooting for us.  “So we really _can_ stay in bed all day.”

              “We can do whatever you want,” Perry confirmed.

              “I do have a few ideas,” I mused, leaning up to kiss Perry again.

              “Somehow I’m not surprised by that,” Perry muttered against my lips, pulling me close.

              I doubted that I’d ever truly get used to the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me just tight enough that I never feared he’d let go.  Our dynamic had shifted so rapidly, but nothing felt forced, and nothing felt wrong.  It was as though Perry and I were two pieces of a puzzle; we fit together so perfectly that no one could deny we were right for each other.  If the way that he was treating me so far was any indication, I’d be very happy with him. 

              We stayed that way for so long that I lost track of the time, our lips moving against each other’s, roaming to cheeks and necks and shoulders.  My lips were swollen – I could feel it – but Perry’s kisses were so amazing that I wasn’t going to complain.  When we finally did break apart, we both ended up on our sides, our faces not far from one another’s, and Perry had his hand cupping my face with his thumb brushing softly over my cheek as I looked at him.  The look he returned was filled with so much promise, so much _love_ , that it made my heart swell, and for a moment, I forgot everything else in the world but him.

              “D’you really think I’ll be a good dad?” I asked some time later, breaking the silence for the first time in a while.  “I’m kind of nervous.”

              Perry smiled at me.  “Yeah, Newbie, I really do.  I’ve seen you with your younger patients – you’re great with them.  And you’re a goofball at heart.  You’ll be great.”

              “I know he’s just a baby right now, but I can’t stop thinking ahead to when he’s growing up – what he’ll be like, what sort of personality he’ll have, if he’ll make friends okay…  I just want him to have a good life.  I want him to be happy.”

              “That’s perfectly normal,” Perry assured me.  “That right there is the sign of a good parent.  You care so much that you’re making yourself worry about things that are _years_ off in the distance.  I think the best advice I can give you is to take things as they come.  Don’t sweat the small stuff and try not to worry too much about what the future will hold for Sam.  Just enjoy right now.”

              “You give the best advice,” I said softly, smiling back at Perry.  “What was it like for you when Jack was born?”

              “It was pretty amazing,” Perry admitted, “but I’ll be honest.  I don’t think it had the same effect on me as it would have if I’d known Jack was my son.  At that point, I still thought that Jordan had gotten knocked up in Greece and it wasn’t until a _certain someone_ spilled the beans that I even knew Jack was mine.  And then I kind of freaked out.”

              “You freaked out?” I asked, shocked.  “I mean, I knew you were convinced you’d be a terrible father – which is _so_ not the case – but I didn’t know you freaked out.”

              Perry shook his head.  “No one knew.  I didn’t even tell Jordan.  I was so sure I was going to screw up that kid’s life, that he’d be better off without me, but I couldn’t walk away knowing that he was my son, and I still cared for Jordan… But when I got home and I looked into Jack’s eyes… something just clicked.  I finally felt the connection with him that I hadn’t felt before and it changed my whole life.  To have someone that depends on you so completely, that _needs_ you like that… it’s pretty incredible.  And it was no different with Jennifer.  Just looking at her makes me melt every damn time.”

              I listened to Perry in awe, never having gotten to hear him speak so freely about the love he felt for his children before.  “How are things with you and Jordan now?” I asked tentatively.  “I mean, is she upset?”

              “No,” Perry said slowly.  “No, she’s not upset.  I think she would have liked us to have made it, but it wasn’t something we could force any longer.”

              “Does it make you sad?”

              “It’s for the best, I know that for certain, but it doesn’t mean it’s not a little sad.  She’s a great mother, Jordan, but we ran our course.  We thought about staying together for the kids, but we both owed it to ourselves to find someone who made us happy.  She and I’ll stay friends, of course.  And besides, when I told her about you…”

              “You told her about me?” I asked in surprise.  “What did you say?  What did _she_ say?”

              “I told her – well, I told her everything.  About the medical conference and everything I’d felt for you over the years that I’d been pushing down.  She didn’t seem so surprised.”

              “She wasn’t angry?”

              “No, neither of us were.  Sad, maybe, but not angry.  She told me we should see other people and we stopped fighting then.  That’s how I knew it was over for real this time.”

              “I’m sorry,” I said softly.  “She’s been a huge part of your life.”

              “You don’t have to be sorry, Newbie,” Perry said seriously, taking my hand.  “I’m more than happy with my choice.”

              I squeezed his hand back.  “Yeah, so am I,” I murmured.  “Never knew you were like this, though.”

              “Like what?” Perry asked, arching an eyebrow at me.

              I shrugged.  “I dunno.  A big softie.”

              Perry rolled his eyes at that.  “Never repeat that,” he grumbled.

              “Oh come on,” I teased, “you’re like an oversized teddy bear.”

              “Newbie, there is _nothing_ about me that’s _soft_ ,” Perry maintained, but I caught a double meaning in his words.

              “Oh no?” I asked, my voice suddenly taking on an innocent tone.  “Nothing at all?”

              Perry blinked at me.  “That is _not_ what I meant.”

              I grinned and ran a single finger down the center of Perry’s chest, stopping when I reached his waistband.  “That’s fine,” I said casually.  “I was just curious if you meant _everything_.”

              I felt Perry shiver under my touch, but he pushed my hand away.  Just as I thought he was rejecting my advances, he pushed me onto my back and moved to hover over me and leaned in to kiss me _very_ thoroughly.  I ran my hands over his back, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin.  The warm weight of Perry on top of me was everything I’d ever wanted and it wasn’t long before I was melting completely, any trace of playfulness or teasing long gone.

              Perry began kissing along my jaw and then down my neck, but I quickly pulled him back up.  “I want you up here,” I whispered.  “Right here.”  I took his face in my hands and looked into his eyes, a little breathless and a lot turned on.

              Slowly, Perry reached down to lift my shirt, his eyes never leaving mine, his hands brushing against my skin, leaving tiny jolts of electricity in their wake.  He leaned back down to kiss me once my shirt was on the floor and I took the opportunity to run my hands over the large expanse of his smooth, muscled back.  I could feel him tensing and relaxing with each movement and was struck by the understated power there.  He sighed against my lips when I reached the waistband of his boxers and slipped my hands beneath them, letting them massage and knead.

              “You have lube?” he asked in a rather ragged voice as he trailed kisses down the side of my neck.

              It took a moment for me to remember how to form words.  “T-top drawer,” I managed, moaning softly when he lowered his hips to grind against me, though the teasing slide wasn’t nearly enough.

              When he pulled away to reach into my nightstand, I slid off my sweatpants and boxers in one fluid motion, tossing them onto the floor in the same general direction as my shirt.  My mind was racing with all the possibilities, some of which I hadn’t even thought to fantasize about before.  But it was actually happening – _we_ were happening.  And I wanted it all.

              Perry turned back to me, and for just a moment, his jaw went slack and his eyes glazed over.  I took it as a very good thing, if the tent in his boxers was any indication.  “Come on,” I murmured, garnering his attention once again.  “Hope you’re not going to make me wait much longer.”

              “Wouldn’t dream of it, angel,” Perry purred, leaning back down to kiss me and dropping the bottle of lube long enough to kick off his own boxers. 

              “Angel?” I asked, smiling into the kiss.

              I heard rather than saw him open the lube and my breath hitched when he wrapped a slick hand around my cock, starting a gentle, slow stroke.  “Better than Tiffany, don’t you think?” he countered, his voice hardly more than a whisper.

              “Y-yes,” I whimpered as my head fell back onto the pillow.  “Oh, Perry.”

              I had never doubted that Perry would know what he was doing in the bedroom, but actually having him here with me, his hand wrapped around me…  It was more than I could have ever hoped for and I instantly wanted more.  He seemed to get the hint after a few minutes of my hips rocking up into his touch, gasps and quiet moans falling from my lips. 

              “Please,” I finally said, breathing harshly.  “More, I need more.”

              Almost instantly, Perry’s hand left my cock.  I didn’t miss it as much as I would have thought because moments later, I felt his finger very slowly and gently pressing into me and I let out a low groan.  Mere seconds later, I was already rocking against him in search of more.

              “I – I’ve done this a few times,” I admitted, opening my eyes to look up at him, finding him staring right back at me with the most incredible expression on his face.  “You won’t hurt me.”

              Perry smirked and ducked his head to press kisses along my jaw and then my neck again.  God, he was good at it, too.  “How many times is a few?” he whispered.

              I gasped when he slipped in a second finger, beginning to stretch me.  “Fuck,” I whimpered, grabbing at his arm for something to hold onto.  “Um, I have – a few toys.  So – so maybe a few times a week.”

              He moaned against my neck, biting down lightly and adding a third finger.  “You’ll have to show me some time,” he teased.

              “I’d love to,” I choked out just before another moan ripped through me when he found my prostate.  Perks of being with another doctor, I supposed.  My cock twitched hard and I wondered if he realized just how good he was, how amazing I felt.  And he wasn’t even in me yet. 

              “You ready?” he asked softly, pulling back to look at me, though it was a struggle just to keep my eyes open.

              “Yes,” I whimpered.  “God, yes.  Want you so bad.”

              “You’ve got me,” he assured me, taking himself in hand to spread the lube – or maybe just to tease me a little.  The sight of Perry touching himself was something I had only dreamt about before and it was just as mouthwatering in real life.  He was a little thicker than I’d pictured and I couldn’t wait to feel him, to do _everything_ with him.  Maybe we’d never leave the bed.

              At a painfully slow pace, Perry guided himself into me, giving me plenty of time to adjust before he even began to move.  His forehead dropped down onto my shoulder and I was quick to wrap my legs around his waist, unable to keep from moaning softly even though he’d hardly moved.  He let out a harsh breath and I slowly rolled my hips up, feeling his cock twitch inside me. 

              All at once, everything hit me, that Perry was here, that I was in his arms, that he was finally _mine_.  “Perry,” I gasped, threading my fingers into his hair.  “Perry, I –”

              He lifted his head to look into my eyes, seeming to understand what I was trying to convey.  “Me too,” he whispered, finally starting to move his hips.  It was slow, but perfect at the same time and Perry moved a hand between us to wrap it around my cock.

              I moaned desperately, arching up into his touch.  I was glad to hear that Perry wasn’t silent either.  In fact, he was making the most incredible noises I’d ever heard – low sounds that came from deep in his chest that gradually grew in volume until they were full-blown moans.  “Don’t stop,” I begged, digging my fingers into his back.  “Fuck, Perry, I’m so close.”

              Perry quickened his pace and his thrusts suddenly became much harder, drawing a loud moan out of me.  “Not gonna stop,” he breathed.  “Come for me, JD.”

              Even if I hadn’t been close before that, hearing Perry say my name like that would have done it.  As it was, I had only been moments away from coming anyway and Perry’s words pushed me right over the edge.  I cried out his name and came hard, my back arching up.  I felt him let go and he buried himself even deeper inside me as he rode it out, gasping out a string of muttered curses against my shoulder.

              I couldn’t have made myself let go of Perry even if I’d wanted to as both of us came down, breathing hard and completely sated.  Eventually, Perry rolled off to my side, but didn’t let go of me, pulling me onto his chest with no regard for the mess we’d made.  I didn’t care much myself either.  It hadn’t lasted long, but it was so incredibly perfect that I couldn’t complain one bit. 

              “Can’t believe that just happened,” I mumbled, my eyes still closed.  “Wanted it for so long.”

              “Better believe it, baby,” Perry said softly, carding his fingers through my hair.

              “Always knew you’d like cuddling,” I said with a smile, snuggling closer to him.

              “Oh, quiet down, would you?” he muttered, though I could hear the smile in his own voice.

              “No problem,” I said softly, settling down.  “Sex makes me sleepy.”

              Perry chuckled and kissed my forehead.  “Get some rest then,” he murmured.  “Better pace ourselves.”

              I hummed in agreement before drifting off with Perry’s arms securely around me.

 

* * *

 

 

              When I woke up, I was disappointed to find that Perry was no longer lying next to me, but as I sat up in bed, I could hear him out in the living room, just outside my door.

              “Yeah, no,” he said in a hushed voice, “he’s still asleep….  Yeah.  Yeah.  Jeez, Jordan, I’m not telling you that!  All right, all right, fine.  We did, but you’re not getting any more details than that.”  I had to bite back a laugh at how embarrassed he sounded.  Embarrassed, but happy.  “Hey, look, I just wanted to say thank you.  If you hadn’t pushed me in the first place, I wouldn’t even be here right now.”  I heard him sigh.  “Yes, that _was_ embarrassing for me.  Okay, I’ll talk to you later.  Say hi to the kids for me.”

              I blinked, realizing he’d been talking to Jordan.  And had I caught that right?  _Jordan_ was the one to push Perry to admit his feelings for me?  I felt a sudden rush of gratitude toward her.  I’d have to thank her the next time I saw her.

              Before I could pretend to be asleep, Perry opened the bedroom door and walked back inside.  “Look who’s awake,” he said with a soft smile, climbing back into bed and greeting me with a tender kiss.

              “You’re spoiling me,” I accused, reciprocating the kiss eagerly.  “Not that I’m complaining, of course.”

              Perry laid back on the bed, folding his arms behind his head.  “You deserve it,” he said simply.

              I stayed sitting up, watching Perry.  “I heard what you said to Jordan,” I said casually, deciding to breach the topic.

              “Eavesdropping, Newbie?”

              “Maybe a little,” I admitted, biting my lip.  “But I… could you thank Jordan for me some time?  I didn’t realize she had that big a part in all this.”

              “She certainly knocked some sense into me, that’s for sure,” Perry told me.  “Apparently she knew about us even before I did.”

              “It’s still a little hard for me to believe,” I said quietly.  “I mean, even when you weren’t with her, I always thought of you together.  Perry and Jordan.  I guess I thought you two would have made it.”

              “I think she and I have matured enough to know that we just weren’t working as a couple anymore.  Pretending that we were would have made things worse and neither of us wanted to put the kids through that.  And, JD?  I’m pretty damn happy with the way things worked out.”

              I smiled and laid back down next to Perry, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.  “Yeah,” I murmured.  “Me, too.”


	3. Don't Panic, No, Not Yet

              Perry had spent most of our morning lounging on the couch.  He had on some sports channel, but I didn’t particularly mind, especially since he was more than willing to answer all my questions about hockey, including how to pronounce the name on the back of his jersey.  We had breakfast and I read him the letters to the editor in the morning paper while he sipped his coffee, looking absolutely pleased to have me there.  Watching him sit at the table, bathed in the sunlight that filtered in through the open window, it struck me just how well we were getting on.  Since I came back from Tacoma, we hadn’t had a single fight, nor had he made me feel insignificant with a well-worded rant.  Everyone at work had noticed the shift in dynamic immediately when we came back from our weekend honeymoon – at least, that was how I referred to it in my head.  Of course, the people that really mattered to me already knew about us, but it hadn’t quite prepared me for the way the gossip moved around the hospital.  By lunchtime on Monday, everyone already seemed to know about us, which gave me no qualms about sitting next to Perry, rather than across from him, in the cafeteria, our fingers laced together on top of the table.  I was even congratulated by a few members of the staff that I hardly recognized.  All in all, things were going better than great.

              Today was going to be the true test, though, at least in my mind.  Jordan would be dropping off Jack and Jennifer so Perry could have them for a while, and while I was looking forward to interacting more with Perry’s children, I was a little nervous.  I hadn’t seen my own son since his birth, which was exactly one week ago.  Kim and I did plenty of FaceTiming, but it wasn’t the same as being able to hold Sammy in my arms.  I was already planning a trip back up there to see him again, since Kim wouldn’t be able to move back for a while and I missed him terribly.  I didn’t want to think of Perry’s kids as a practice run, but I figured if I could get a handle on how to take care of them, I’d be better at it with Sam.

              Today would also be the first time I had seen Jordan since Perry and I got together.  I still wanted to thank her for everything she did to encourage Perry to tell me how he felt, even if the big idiot had waited until the night before I was leaving for good.  Despite all my misgivings about Jordan and her actions in the past, I now didn’t doubt that all she ever wanted was for Perry to be happy.  She and I had that in common, though now it wasn’t just about us, but also about our kids.  Ultimately, their happiness and well-being had to come before everything.

              A few minutes past ten, there was a knock at Perry’s door and I sat up, hoping I looked presentable enough that Jordan wouldn’t find something about my appearance to criticize.  I stood, though I remained awkwardly next to the couch as Jordan shuffled in with Jack beside her and Jennifer in her car seat.  Jordan had a diaper bag slung over her shoulder, but as always, she looked fantastic and not the least bit flustered.  I supposed she had the advantage of already being a mom, but still, I didn’t think that taking care of a baby was as easy as she made it seem.

              Perry helped her inside, taking the diaper bag and setting it off to the side, near the door, just as Jack ran right at him.  I smiled as I watched Perry scoop him up, grinning broadly as Jack giggled.

              “How’s my boy?” Perry asked, throwing Jack over his shoulder and following Jordan back over to the couch.

              Jack laughed again and said something unintelligible – I was going to have to get better at deciphering the way children talked – and Perry tossed him gently onto the couch cushion, making him giggle like mad.  I had seen Perry with Jack before, but never like this.  I knew he’d been nervous – downright terrified, even – when he found out he was Jack’s biological father, but if he could have seen himself now, he would have been amazed at what a good dad he really turned out to be.

              “Hey, DJ,” Jordan said, sitting down between Perry and me.  I was on guard, but there didn’t seem to be any hostility in her voice.

              “Hi, Jordan,” I said, lifting my eyebrows, waiting for the inevitable gut punch. 

              Jordan bent down to pick Jennifer up, who seemed to be just on the edge of sleep.  “Would you like to hold her?” Jordan offered suddenly, looking at me seriously. 

              I blinked in surprise and glanced over at Perry, but he was preoccupied with a very rambunctious Jack.  “Uh, yeah, sure,” I sputtered.  “I’d love to hold her.”

              Carefully, Jordan placed Jennifer in my arms and I sighed softly as I looked down into her little face, at the vivid blue eyes – just like her father’s – that she could barely seem to keep open as I rocked her gently.  My heart ached as I thought about Sammy, wishing he were here so I could watch as he grew, help take care of him, and be the father I desperately wanted to be.  When I lifted my head, Perry had successfully subdued Jack and was holding him on his lap while he gave Jordan a half-hug and kissed her cheek.

              As quickly as my feelings of belonging and acceptance came, they fled.  I felt like I was intruding, like I wasn’t supposed to be a part of this family.  I never thought that Perry would do anything with Jordan, but they, along with their two children, were already so established, that I was silly to have deluded myself into thinking that I could ever be a part of it.  I would always be other in this case, and it wasn’t like I had wanted to intrude, to waltz in and become father to Jack and Jennifer; I doubted I could ever fill a role like that with Perry already so expert at it.  Jordan and Perry had been such a staple over the last six years and I couldn’t but feel as though I was the reason they weren’t together anymore.  I knew what Perry had said, that they had simply grown apart, that all they had was a strong friendship, but the fact was that they had shared so much together, and I wasn’t exactly thinking logically at the moment.  I swallowed hard and stood up, handing Jennifer back to Jordan.

              “I, uh, I totally forgot,” I said lamely, forcing a laugh that I could already tell Perry saw right through, “but I agreed to meet Turk for lunch.  Sorry, guys, but I’ll catch you later.”

              Before either of them could respond, I was out the door, my head spinning.  What was going to happen when Kim moved back with Sam?  Would Perry even want to stay over when I had him?  What if Perry’s kids didn’t get along with mine?  And was I actually starting to have second thoughts about being with Perry even though I had never been happier in my entire life?

              I was halfway through the parking lot when I heard Perry calling my name.  “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.  I kept my head down and continued walking, wondering if I could beat him to my car.  Of course, I heard Perry’s footsteps hurrying toward me.

              “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, barely out of breath even though he’d just jogged across the parking lot.

              “I told you.  Turk and I –”

              “Don’t lie to me,” Perry said, shaking his head and looking rather disappointed in me.  “What’s going on with you?”

              I hesitated, shrinking away from Perry.  I was disappointed in _myself_.  “When I was up there, watching you… I’m not supposed to be a part of that, Perry,” I said quietly.  “I’m not like Jordan and I really don’t want to come between you and your kids or – or ruin your family.”

              “JD, what are you even talking about?” Perry asked, sounding utterly perplexed.  “Jordan actually made an _effort_ to make you feel welcome and you know how she is.  She doesn’t exactly roll out the red carpet for just anyone.”

              I took a step back, looking at the ground.  “I felt like I was… intruding on something, like I didn’t have a right to be there.  You two have so much history and you have two _great_ kids.  I don’t fit in anywhere in that story.”

              “You damn well do fit!” Perry said, suddenly sounding angry.  “You fit because I _want_ you to fit, because I _want_ you there as part of my family.  As for Jordan and I, well, Newbie, you’re just going to have to get over it.  We have history, but we also have two kids that will always come first, regardless of the situation, so for once in your life, JD, get out of your head and come back inside with me.”

              I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I said nothing and continued to stare at the pavement, chewing on my bottom lip.

              “JD, look at me.”

              “Perry, don’t,” I insisted, but I felt Perry’s hand gently lifting my chin anyway. 

              “ _Talk_ to me,” he said firmly, his blue eyes searching my own.  “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

              “It all feels too good to be true,” I whispered.  “I keep waiting for some big explosive fight where we find out this has all been a mistake.  I shouldn’t be this happy.  Things shouldn’t be going so well for us.”

              “Why not?” Perry countered, sounding bewildered.  “Why don’t we deserve to be happy, JD?”

              “Because things don’t work out like that for me,” I said, desperate to make Perry understand where I was coming from.  I knew it sounded sad, pathetic even, but it was the same story every time.  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but each one of my past relationships has been a failure and a journey of self-sabotage.  I’m not used to feeling like this and I… I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

              Perry sighed and reached forward, taking both my hands in his own.  “Please come back inside with me,” he said in a gentler voice.  “You’ll be fine.  Jack already likes you and Jordan certainly doesn’t hate you.  She knows how happy I am with you and contrary to what you might believe, she’s not a she-beast _all_ of the time.”

              I could see how much it meant to Perry that I was a part of this and I didn’t want to disappoint him.  “If you’re sure,” I said, though I knew I didn’t sound totally convinced.  I wasn’t.

              “JD, I have never been sure about anything in my life the way I’m sure about you,” Perry said.  There was that devotion again that took my breath away every time.  “Trust me.  Everything will be fine.”

              I looked into Perry’s eyes and nodded.  “Okay.  I trust you.”

              Perry kissed my forehead before leading me back up to the apartment where Jack was playing in the middle of the living room.  I felt more than a little sheepish, but Jordan seemed to be acting like I’d never left.  Perry sank back down onto the couch, pulling me with him, leaving him between Jordan and me.  Wordlessly, Jordan transferred Jennifer into Perry’s arms and I watched the wonder that came over his face – it was subtle, but it was there. 

              “There’s my girl,” he murmured, careful not to wake her now that she had fallen asleep.  My heart swelled as I watched him with his daughter.  The devotion I felt when he told me he loved me was nothing compared to the devotion I could see in his expression as he spoke softly to her.

              “She’s been so well-behaved,” Jordan commented.  “How’s Sam?”

              I looked up at her in surprise.  “Oh, Kim said he’s doing well,” I told her.  “They’re looking to move back here next month, so that’ll be good.”

              “Very good,” Jordan agreed.  “I’ll look forward to seeing him myself.”

              I blushed slightly when Perry pressed a soft kiss to the top of my head, knowing that Jordan was watching us.  When I made eye contact with her again, I swore I saw a smile on her face before she looked away.

              A half hour later, Jordan left, but only after detailing the items in the diaper bag for Perry and explaining that everything else he needed was still in the apartment.  I was surprised to find that he humored her despite already knowing what to do.  I was situated on the couch, holding Jennifer in my arms, now fast asleep, while Perry sat on the floor with Jack.  I knew now that I had been overthinking the whole thing because right there, at that moment, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

 

* * *

 

 

              That night, after I watched Perry put both of his kids to bed, he and I curled up on the couch and he draped a blanket over us, turning the TV on quietly in the background.

              “I’m sorry I freaked out today,” I murmured, a guilty smile on my face.  “You were right, of course.  I was just overthinking things.”

              Perry put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer.  “I know all this is an adjustment for you,” he said gently.  “I just can’t believe you were waiting for something bad to happen because we were ‘too happy.’”

              I looked down and blushed.  It sounded just as ridiculous as when I had said it.  “It sounds so silly now,” I mumbled.  “But it was like, even in my head when I thought about us getting together before I thought there was a chance of it, I assumed we’d fight a lot or that we just wouldn’t make it.  I never expected things to happen so naturally and work out so well.”

              “I think you spent too much time watching me and Jordan,” Perry said, raising an eyebrow at me.  “Newbie, what she and I had together was a very different relationship.  It worked for us – at least for a while.  But I don’t want to fight with you.  I don’t want to yell at you or not share my feelings with you.”  He sighed and rested his chin on my head.  “JD, I want to be able to tell you that I love you and that I’ll never let anyone hurt you.  That’s the kind of relationship I want.  That’s what we _have_.”

              I closed my eyes and nuzzled against the crook of Perry’s neck.  “I love you, too,” I breathed, circling my arm around his waist.  “God, I love you.”

              “We’re going to be fine, kiddo,” Perry whispered.  “I promise.”

              “I believe you,” I said, lifting my head to kiss Perry softly.  “And Perry?”

              “Hmm?”

              “I’m really glad I have you.”

              Perry smiled against my lips as he leaned in to kiss me again.  “Yeah, JD,” he chuckled.  “Me, too.”

              “I have to work early tomorrow,” I said softly, leaning into Perry more heavily.  I’d spent more time at his place over the last week than I had at my own, and I had hardly seen my friends at all.  “I should probably head home.”

              “But how am I supposed to sleep without you like this?” Perry teased, laying down on the couch and pulling me down onto his chest.  He smiled up at me and ran his fingers through my hair.  I couldn’t resist that and I sighed contentedly. 

              “You make a convincing argument,” I chuckled, closing my eyes.  “But I don’t want to wake you when I leave.”

              Perry circled his arms around me.  “If you want to leave, you can,” he said softly.  “But you’re always more than welcome to stay.  You know that.”

              “Well, when you put it like that, it makes me want to leave even less,” I mumbled.  “You’re sneaky.”

              “Sneaky, huh?” Perry questioned.  “Is that really what you think of me, Newbie?”

              I laughed and held Perry tighter.  “Oh, shut up,” I said dismissively.  “If it’ll make you happy, I’ll stay.  Mostly because I don’t like sleeping without you.”

              We were quiet for a while after that, and despite being tired, I couldn’t seem to fall asleep.  “Perry?” I asked softly, unsure if he was even awake.

              I felt him jolt a little and felt bad that I’d woken him.  “Yeah?” he asked gruffly.

              “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said regretfully.  “It’s not important.  Go back to sleep.”

              “As if,” Perry said, stretching below me.  “What’s on your mind?”

              “I just… I was watching you and Jack a lot today and you’re so good with him and I was wondering if you thought I could be like that with Sam someday, if I’ll be as good with him as you are with your kids.”

              “Oh, Newbie,” Perry said with a weak, almost sad laugh.  “JD, of _course_ you will.  You’ll probably have a hell of an adjustment period – I know I did – but if there’s anyone who’ll be good with kids, it’s you.  I mean, I’ve seen you with your younger patients at work.  You know how to make them laugh and relate to them and make them feel better.  You’ll be great.”

              “Feels good to hear it from someone else,” I said softly.  “I guess I’m just a little nervous about it.  I know that’s normal and everything, but I’m responsible for this whole other life now… Just saying I have a son feels so strange.  It’s a _good_ strange, but still strange.”

              “I, for one, cannot wait to meet him,” Perry said.  “If he’s even a fraction like you, he’ll be great.”

              Before I could reply, my phone rang in my pocket.  Groaning, I slid off Perry enough to reach for it, but broke into a huge smile when I saw it was a video call from Kim.  “You could sort of meet him now, if you wanted,” I offered, showing Perry my phone. 

              “Answer it,” he urged, smiling back at me.  “Go on.”

              Positively beaming, I answered the video call as Perry sat up right next to me so we were both on the screen.  “Hey, Kim!” I said cheerfully, feeling much less doubtful about my competency as a father.

              Kim smiled back at me on the screen.  “Hey, JD,” she replied, looking pleasantly surprised to see I wasn’t alone.  “Hi, Perry.”

              “Kim,” Perry said in greeting. 

              “How’s Sammy doing?” I asked eagerly, peering into the phone.

              “He’s been great,” Kim gushed.  “Like, he actually sleeps.  I mean, most of the time, I just sleep when he sleeps and it’s been working so far.”

              “I’m so glad,” I said, relieved.  It would have killed me even more to be so far away and find out that Kim was having a hard time.  “Can we see him?”

              “Of course,” Kim obliged, tilting the camera to reveal Sam cradled in her free arm, sleeping peacefully.  “He’s been out for about twenty minutes now.”

              I glanced at Perry from the corner of my eye and saw that he was smiling widely.  As a result, I felt a rush of affection and happiness well up in me.  “Look at him,” I murmured.  “God, I can’t wait ‘til you’re both here for good.”

              Perry wrapped his arm around my waist, out of sight from the camera, and rubbed my side.

              “You know you’re welcome to visit whenever you can,” Kim told me, bringing the camera back up so I could see her face.  “I definitely wouldn’t mind an extra hand.  The nanny’s great, but I miss you, too.”

              I gave Kim a soft smile while leaning into Perry a little more.  “I know,” I sighed.  “I’ve already been thinking about coming out next weekend.  I can even bring some stuff back here with me if I drive instead of fly.”

              “That’s a great idea,” Kim agreed.  “Let me know when things are set in stone, all right?”

              “Of course.  Give Sammy a big kiss for me, okay?”

              “I always do,” Kim assured me.  “See you soon.  Bye, Perry!”

              “See you, Kim,” Perry said, nodding his head at her.

              Kim ended the video call and I slid my phone back into my pocket, feeling much happier and at the same time, even more desperate to see my son.  “So, what’d you think?” I asked Perry.

              “He looks just like you,” Perry chuckled, still running his hand over my side.  “And I’m glad to hear he hasn’t been much trouble for Kim just yet.”

              “Yeah,” I laughed.  “Me, too.  But that probably won’t last for long, will it?”

              “Oh, definitely not,” Perry snorted.  “You just signed up for eighteen years of trouble.  But luckily, I hear it’s just about the most rewarding thing on the planet.”

              “I bet you’re right,” I agreed.  “God.  I’m a dad.  It still feels like it hasn’t sunken in yet.  This is just crazy.”

              Perry grinned and kissed my temple.  “You’ll get used to it.  You were great with Jennifer today, you know.  You’re a natural.”

              “You think so?”

              “Oh, I know so.  Sam’s going to love you, JD.”


	4. All This Devotion Was Washing Over Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, I know I said they deserve happiness - and they do - and to make up for this chapter, I swear there will be a ton of fluff soon!

              Perry sat on my bed, watching me with his head tilted off to the side and the hint of a smile on his face.  I had been packing for two hours, darting around my apartment grabbing what I thought I’d need for a long weekend at Kim’s.  Logically, I knew I wouldn’t need much, but the fact of the matter was half of my suitcase was devoted to things for Sammy.  It didn’t make much sense to bring a lot for him when he and Kim would be moving here in a month, but I couldn’t help myself.  I guess that was why Perry was watching me with such amusement as I tried to wedge my hair products in the very small space left in my suitcase.

              “You know, you could stop laughing at me and give me a hand,” I suggested, glancing over at him and grumbling to myself when the zipper still wouldn’t close.

              “Oh, come on, Newbie,” Perry snorted, pushing himself up off the bed and walking over to where I was crouching on the floor.  He knelt down beside me and batted away my hands.  I sighed and crossed my arms in front of my chest, watching as Perry began rearranging everything in the suitcase.  Soon enough, he had everything situated just right and zipped it shut effortlessly.

              “Thanks,” I muttered, standing up and dragging the suitcase out into the living room, next to my front door. 

              Perry followed slowly behind and when I glanced at him, I saw the confusion on his face, but I still didn’t say anything.  The whole prospect of the trip was stressing me out – two days of driving on the I-5 wasn’t something I was looking forward to, but the worst part was that I’d be away from Perry for nearly a week.  Two days there, a three-day weekend with my son, and two days back.  I could have flown, but it made more sense to move what I could from Kim’s to my place until she found a place.  Perry couldn’t take that much time away from work – and strictly speaking, I shouldn’t either, but Kelso had been nicer to me since I started back at the hospital – or be away from his kids that long.  I was frustrated with myself for taking it out on Perry; he’d done nothing wrong.  I just didn’t want to leave him, but I was conflicted because I wanted nothing more than to see my son again.

              “So, what did I do?” Perry asked bluntly, leaning against the doorway behind me. 

              I closed my eyes before I turned to face him, noting that he actually looked hurt.  “You didn’t do anything,” I sighed.  “I’m just… I’m really gonna miss you, okay?”

              Perry raised his eyebrows, clearly not having realized the reason for my attitude.  “That’s why you’ve been pouting and grumbling all day?  Thought for sure I said or did something…”

              “No,” I said quietly, shaking my head as I walked back over to him.  “No, you didn’t do anything except act so nice that you’re making it impossible to leave.”

              Perry took his hands out of his pockets and brought them to my hips.  “You’ll be fine, JD,” he said seriously.  “You’re going to call me every night and tell me about the drive and how much you love spending time with Sam and that you’re getting along great with Kim.  It’s only a week and it’ll be through before you know it.”

              I frowned, though I wound my arms around Perry’s waist.  “You make it sound so easy, like I won’t miss you at all.”

              “Kid, I’m gonna miss you like crazy,” Perry said after a brief pause.  “You know you mean the world to me, but you need to be with your son.  It’s been bothering you, I can tell.”

              “What do you mean, you can tell?” I asked, my brows furrowing, though the fact that Perry had just told me I meant the world to him wasn’t lost on me.

              “After you talk to Kim, you always seem down,” Perry told me.  “And when my kids are around, it’s like you’re not all there.”

              “I didn’t mean to not be present, I just –”

              “JD, it’s okay,” Perry said, cutting me off.  “Really, I’m not upset.  I’m not thrilled that you’ll be gone for a week, but you need to do this.  Now, I was really hoping that you and me could spend tonight together before you leave in the morning, and I’d like it if you weren’t sulking the whole time.”

              I blushed as I looked back up at Perry.  “I think it’d cheer me up if you kissed me,” I murmured, feeling his grip on my waist tighten almost immediately.

              “Usually does,” Perry agreed, pulling me closer until I was pressed up against him.  He leaned in and kissed me, starting out soft and slow.  I let my hands slide up his chest until I was cupping his face, ensuring that I could keep him close.

              Gradually, Perry began pulling me back into the bedroom.  His lips never left mine but for a few moments here and there that allowed us both to take gasping breaths before diving back in.  He backed up toward the bed and once he reached it, he pulled me down on top of him so I was straddling his hips.  I bent back over him to kiss him again and again, and for a while, it was just the two of us rocking together, still fully-clothed.  Finally, I rolled off him and began pulling my clothes off.  He did the same, and soon we were bare to each other, our clothes in a pile on the floor.

              “What do you want?” he breathed, looking at me with eyes filled with both desire and love.  “Anything at all.”

              “Want you,” I replied without hesitation.  “However, wherever… just want you.  Always.”

              “Yeah,” Perry said breathily, taking my cock in his hand and beginning a slow, steady stroke.  “Always.”

              “Oh,” I gasped, my head falling back.  Perry took the opportunity to kiss my neck, but I forced myself to look back up at him as I slid my hand between us and wrapped it around his cock, feeling it twitch in my grasp.  “Love you so much.”

              “Love – love you, too,” Perry choked out, thrusting his hips forward.  “Gonna miss you.”

              My answer came in the form of a moan as Perry quickened his pace, squeezing along the length of my cock.  I rarely got this worked up over a handjob, but we were going to be apart for a week and it was _Perry_.  It was his hand around me and mine around him, both of our hips rolling up rhythmically.  “Miss you already,” I agreed.  “Please tell me we can have phone sex.”

              “Not sure we’d – fuck – make it through the week without it.”  Perry groaned against my neck, his hand suddenly moving in fast, loose strokes as his cock twitched hard in my hand.  “Faster, Newbie…”

              I obeyed, whimpering softly with my eyes shut tightly.  “Oh, shit,” I moaned, throwing my head back again.  “Perry, oh, Perry, don’t stop, I’m – oh god –”  I couldn’t hold on any longer and my hips jerked forward as I came, spilling over Perry’s hand and onto my stomach.  I somehow retained the presence of mind to continue stroking Perry and moments later, I felt him let go.  He moaned low in his chest, his hips stuttering as he rode it out, burying his face against my neck and shuddering as one last wave rolled through him.

              I let out a shaky breath and brought my clean hand up to the back of Perry’s neck, just holding him there.  “Wow,” I whispered, my eyes still closed.  “That was… yeah.”

              Perry pushed himself up and off me, smiling, and padded into the bathroom to grab a washcloth to clean us both off.  Neither of us said anything as he did so and it struck me just how much I was going to miss him.  We hadn’t been apart for more than a day since I’d come home, since I’d made the decision to take a chance on him.  As far as I was concerned, it had been the best decision of my life.  Perry seemed to notice a change in my expression and he lowered himself back down onto the bed and pulled me into his arms.

              “Hey,” he murmured, rocking me just slightly.  “I’m gonna miss you, too.”

              I nodded, holding him back as tightly as I could.  “We’re not moving too fast, are we?” I asked softly.  “I don’t really care if we are, but we’ve only been together for two weeks and I – I can already hardly bear the thought of being away from you.”

              Perry pressed a kiss to the top of my head.  “Sweetheart, I’ve known you for almost seven years.  If anything, we’re moving too _slow_.  I don’t want to worry that we’ve wasted too much time.  Right now, we’re making up for the years we spent apart.  And besides, by the time you get to Kim’s, you’ll be so obsessed with Sam that you won’t even think of me.”

              “That’s not true and you know it,” I said, appalled that Perry would even think that.  “I happen to be very good at thinking of you.  In fact, I do it all the time.”

              Perry chuckled.  “God love you, Newbie.”

              “I’m being serious!” I insisted, nudging Perry, though I couldn’t help but smile.  Before he could tease me anymore, I leaned up and kissed him, effectively shutting him up. 

              Perry hummed his approval into the kiss, and relaxed against me.  “If someone’d told me way back when that I’d be right here with you, I would’ve called them crazy,” he murmured.  “But I guess some things just happen because they’re meant to.”

              I closed my eyes and rested my head on Perry’s shoulder, draping my arm over him.  “Are you telling me that you, Perry Cox, believe in fate?” I asked, surprised but pleased.

              “Maybe I am,” Perry said quietly as he ran his fingers through my hair.  “Would that be such a bad thing if I did?”

              “Not at all,” I chuckled, reaching down to pull the covers over us.  “Kinda makes me feel all warm inside.”

              Perry snorted.  “And this is when I tell you to go to sleep before you get any sappier.”

              “All right, all right,” I sighed, though I was grinning from ear to ear.  “I’ll go to sleep.  But I love you.  So much.”

              “I love you too, Newbie,” Perry said fondly, kissing my forehead as we both settled down.  “Goodnight.”

 

* * *

 

 

              “Newbie, get in the damn car, would you?” Perry groaned, running a hand down his face.  We were both standing in the parking lot outside my car.

              “I’m just making sure I have everything!” I said defensively, running over a mental checklist of everything I needed in my suitcase and everything I’d put in it.  “There, done.  See?  That didn’t take so long.”

              “You’re being ridiculous,” Perry said flatly, brushing his finger over his nose and then crossing his arms.

              I narrowed my eyes at him, recognizing the telltale signs of an oncoming rant.  “Well, if you’re so eager to get rid of me, I’ll just go then,” I muttered, turning away toward the car door.

              “For the love of god,” Perry grumbled, reaching out and grabbing my wrist and pulling me back toward him and into a crushing kiss.  I wrapped my arms around his waist, reciprocating without a second thought.  We were _both_ acting ridiculous, I knew, but neither of us were thrilled about me being gone for a week. 

              “’M sorry,” I mumbled, looking up at Perry when we broke apart.

              “Yeah,” Perry sighed.  “Me, too.  Call me when you get to your hotel tonight, okay?”

              “Of course,” I agreed.  “You’ll be the first to know.”

              “Now get in the car,” Perry said, though he gave me a hint of a smile this time.  “And don’t you dare stop to double-check that you have everything.  Drive out of the parking lot, get your ass on the freeway, and don’t worry about me.”

              I swallowed, trying to push down the swell of emotions I suddenly felt.  I nodded and kissed Perry once more before I did exactly what he said.  The joke was on him, though.  He hadn’t told me not to watch him in my rearview mirrors, standing there in the parking lot with his hands in his pockets, until I couldn’t see him anymore.

              I couldn’t remember feeling this way about anyone before.  Perry and I had only been together for two weeks, but the fact remained that I had known him much, much longer.  Our dynamic had certainly shifted, but there hadn’t been a time when I truly believed that he didn’t care for me in some way.  Just when I would start to doubt him, he’d come through, show me that he really did have a heart of gold.  Getting to see a much softer side of him was nothing short of amazing and I was infinitely pleased by how devoted and caring he really was.  Faced with the prospect of not being able to see him for a week was daunting, but I kept reminding myself that it was because I wanted to see my son.  I was sure that Kim could use a hand, too, and if there was anything I could do to help her move back from Tacoma, I was willing to do it.

              Overall, the first stretch of my drive to Tacoma went well.  I stopped in Redding for the night and found a fairly reasonably priced hotel that didn’t disgust me upon stepping foot inside.  I dragged my suitcase into my room and collapsed onto the bed – spending over eight hours in my vehicle was definitely not the fun part of my trip and I was grateful to finally be able to stretch out.  I only laid there for a few minutes before pulling my phone from my pocket and calling Perry. 

              “Hey, sweetheart,” Perry answered smoothly.  I could _hear_ the smile in his voice.  I missed him so much already.

              “Hi, honey,” I replied, wrinkling my nose at the pet name.  “I think that one might be a little cheesy even for me.”

              “I have to agree,” Perry laughed.  “How was your drive?  Where’d you stop?”

              “The drive was fine,” I told him, kicking my shoes off.  “And I am at the prestigious Best Western in Redding.  Very fancy.”

              “So sarcastic, Newbie,” Perry remarked, but at least he seemed to get a kick out of it.

              “I thought so.  Here’s hoping there’s no bedbugs!”

              I could practically hear Perry roll his eyes.  “On the bright side, you’ll get to see Sam tomorrow night,” he reminded me.  “I bet Kim is thrilled you’re coming.”

              “Yeah, she seemed really psyched about it,” I agreed.  “I can’t wait to see them.  So, what are your plans for tonight?  Jordan has the kids, right?”

              “Right,” Perry confirmed.  “I have to work early tomorrow, so I was going to head to bed soon.”

              “Well, what are you doing right now?” I asked, not wanting to end the call so quickly.

              “I am sitting on the couch and watching the TV on mute while talking to you.”

              “You sound tired.”

              “We stayed up pretty late last night and got up early, so I suppose I am.”

              “I’m tired, too.  Wish I was lying next to you.”

              Perry sighed softly.  “Me too, kiddo,” he murmured.  “This week is going to be tough, but it’ll be worth it.  And as soon as you get home, you’re not leaving again for a very long, long time.”

              “I like the sound of that,” I said with a smile.  “Might have to take another week of vacation just to make up for lost time.”

              “Sounds about right,” Perry said in amusement.

              I yawned into the phone and stretched.  “I think I’m too tired to even change my clothes.”

              “Why don’t you get some rest?” Perry suggested.  “You’ve got an even longer drive tomorrow and I don’t want you making that trip if you’re drowsy.”

              I grumbled, but knew he was right.  “Just don’t want to stop talking to you.”

              “I know, but you need to,” Perry insisted.  “I love you very much and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

              “Okay,” I conceded.  “I love you, too, Perry.  Have a good night.”

              “Oh, I will.  I stole one of your sweatshirts.”

              “What?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.  “What’d you do that for?”

              “’Cause it smells like you,” Perry said simply.  “And I am that much of a sap.”

              “I’m not allowed to tease you about this, am I?” I asked, resigned to the answer I already knew I’d get.  Regardless, I was thrilled.

              “Absolutely not,” Perry said firmly.  “Nor are you allowed to share it with any of your friends.  I’d really never hear the end of it then.”

              I laughed and slid down on the bed, resting my head on the pillow.  “I’ll do my best,” I promised.  “Well, I guess I’ll let you go snuggle with my clothes and get some sleep.”

              Perry chuckled.  “All right, Newbie.  Sleep well.”

              “You, too.  Love you,” I said through yet another yawn.

              “Love you,” Perry replied before both of us hung up.

              I was still disappointed that I couldn’t spend the night beside Perry, but our phone call had made me feel better and I was able to drift off rather quickly.

 

* * *

 

 

              The next morning, I was up bright and early thanks to the alarm I’d set on my phone.  I had about ten hours of driving ahead of me to get to Kim’s and I wanted to get there early enough that I could spend some time with Sam before Kim put him down for the night.  I sent Perry a quick text right before I left the hotel to let him know I was back on the road and I was pleased to see that he replied right away.  It made sense since he had an early shift and my heart swelled when I saw that he had even thought to include an emoji heart.  I really was rubbing off on him.

              I stopped for lunch in Eugene and let Kim know where I was.  I showed my waitress some pictures of Sammy and she agreed that he was adorable and seemed genuinely happy for me.  I decided I liked Oregon so far.  After fueling up at the nearest gas station, I hit the road again and blasted my Journey playlist so loud that I didn’t hear Turk call me.  It wasn’t until I pulled over at a rest stop near the Oregon-Washington border that I saw the missed call.  Eagerly, I called him back, wondering what he’d called for.  I felt a little bad for not hanging out with him much over the past couple weeks, but I was sure he understood.

              “Dude, what took you so long?” Turk answered in lieu of a hello.

              My brows furrowed as I leaned against the side of my car, stretching my legs out.  “Well, I was driving and my music was loud so I didn’t hear you call… What’s going on?”

              “Promise me you’re not gonna freak out,” Turk said slowly.

              “Why would I freak out?” I asked in confusion.  “Turk, tell me.”

              “Dr. Cox – Perry, sorry – was treating this addict they brought in from the E.R. and they didn’t bother to restrain him.  He was on meth and he sort of went nuts on Perry.  The nurses called security right away, but the guy was going crazy and he roughed Perry up pretty bad.”

              “What do you mean ‘roughed him up?’” I asked in horror.  “Is he okay?”

              “He’s resting now,” Turk sighed.  “He’s doing well enough that he threatened me under penalty of death _not_ to call you.”  I had to crack a smile at the way Turk imitated Perry’s way of elongating words.  “But he took a lot of punches and the guy slammed him up against the wall so hard it split the back of his head.  I put in the stitches myself, but I think they’re just checking to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion or anything.”

              “Oh my god,” I breathed.  “I – I should come home.  I should be with him.”

              “No, JD, come on, I didn’t call you to make you feel guilty.  Even if you’d been here, you couldn’t have prevented it from happening.  No, you should keep going, see your kid.  I just wanted to make sure you knew because I wasn’t sure if he’d actually tell you.”

              “Can… can I please talk to him?” I asked softly.  “I don’t mean to get you in trouble, but I really need to hear his voice.”

              “Yeah, man, of course,” Turk said gently.  “Just give me a second.”

              I waited rather impatiently while Turk walked back to Perry’s room.  It was probably for the best that I hadn’t been there, but at the same time, my heart ached for Perry, to know that he was in pain.  Finally, I heard muffled voices, one of which was distinctly Perry’s.  He sounded angry and I bit my bottom lip, hoping he didn’t lay into Turk too hard.

              “Newbie, I’m fine,” came Perry’s voice suddenly and he sounded exasperated.

              “Perry, please don’t be mad at Turk,” I said quickly.  “Why didn’t you call me?”

              “Because I’m _fine_ ,” Perry insisted.  “There’s no point in telling you because now you’re just going to worry about me while you should be spending every moment you can with Sam.”

              I frowned.  “Perry, you don’t sound fine.”  And it was true.  There was something off about his voice.  “Please, tell me what happened.”

              I heard him sigh and then shoo away whoever remained in the room.  “The pain meds haven’t kicked in yet,” he said quietly.

              “Oh, Perry,” I said sadly.  “Turk said he – he split the back of your head.”

              “Among other things,” Perry muttered.  “Ended up with about twenty stitches which Gandhi volunteered to do.  The meth-head got in quite a few punches so I’m pretty sure I look drop-dead gorgeous right now.  And don’t worry, I got in a few of my own, but they hardly phased him.  By the time security got there, he had me on the floor.  Kelso, of all people, showed up, and he wants me checked out to make sure he didn’t fracture any ribs since I’m so sore.”

              “Do you want me to come home?  I can come home,” I offered, my heart breaking.

              “JD, no,” Perry said firmly.  “Absolutely not.  Go to Tacoma, spend time with Sam and help Kim out and don’t worry about me.  I’ll be good as new before you even get back.”

              “If you’re sure,” I said uncertainly.  “Perry, I’m so sorry this happened.”

              “I’m sure,” Perry maintained.  “Quite frankly, I’m glad you weren’t here.  If it had happened to you instead, I would have lost my mind.  He easily could have been your patient.  And believe you me, Kelso is _pissed_.  He’s going on and on about tox screens and proper restraints and faster response time from security.”

              “Well, I’m glad you’re okay.  And Kelso’s right.  This shouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

              “No, it shouldn’t have.  But I have to go, kiddo.  Carla’s got my pain meds and I could use some rest.  I love you.”

              “I love you too, Perry.  I’ll call as soon as I get to Kim’s.”

              “I look forward to it.  Drive safe.”

              “I will.  Get some rest,” I said before I ended the call.

              The only thing I wanted more than to be with Perry was to see my son.  I couldn’t back out on Kim either – I had to show her that I wanted to be there for her and for Sam.  I took a deep breath to center myself and got back into my car and headed back on my way to Tacoma.


	5. Home Is Whenever I'm With You

              I rolled into Tacoma later that night.  My nerves were shot from worrying about Perry, the traffic, and wondering how Kim and Sam were doing.  I walked up to Kim’s apartment and knocked on the door, pulling my suitcase along behind me.  It took a minute or two for Kim to come to the door, but as soon as she opened it, I pulled her into a hug.

              “Oh!” she said in shock, though she hugged me back.  “JD, are you all right?”

              I stepped back to grab my suitcase as Kim led me inside and scrubbed a hand down my face.  “I’m fine,” I sighed.  “It’s just been a long day.  How are you?”

              Kim patted my shoulder and sank down onto the couch.  I joined her eagerly.  “I’m actually doing okay,” she said.  “I’m exhausted, of course, but Sam’s been great and I’ve really been looking forward to seeing you.”

              “I think about you guys all the time,” I admitted.  “Where is he?”

              “I laid him down for the night about a half hour ago,” Kim said regretfully.  “But you’re welcome to go in and see him.”

              “I’d like that,” I said, pushing myself off the couch.  “Just give me a few minutes and then we can talk some more.”

              “Of course,” Kim said graciously.  “Take all the time you need.”

              I walked into the nursery as quietly as I possibly could.  I didn’t want to wake Sam up, but I couldn’t wait any longer to see him.  The room was silent but for the mobile above the crib playing a soft lullaby as it spun slowly.  It looked a lot like I’d left it right after Sam was born, just more lived-in.  I walked over to the crib and peered down into it.  My resulting smile nearly split my face in half.  He was so, so _perfect_.  And he’d grown so much since I’d last seen him.  It was hard to believe it had only been two weeks since he was born.  I loved him so much and knew that I would spend the rest of my life making sure he was happy, that he’d want for nothing.

              I wasn’t sure how long I stood there just watching him sleep, but eventually I pulled myself away.  I still needed to call Perry and let him know I’d gotten to Kim’s safely, but I figured he wouldn’t mind waiting while I caught up.  Kim was starting to doze off on the couch when I came back into the living room. 

              “Hey, why don’t you go to bed and get some sleep?” I said gently as I sat down beside her.  “Sam’s still asleep.”

              “Are you sure?” Kim asked, rubbing her eyes.  “We can talk for a while if you want.”

              I shook my head.  “I’m sure.  Go on, Kim, you deserve a break.  We can talk tomorrow.”

              “Okay,” Kim finally sighed, standing up from the couch.  “Thanks, JD.”

              I smiled up at her.  “Don’t mention it.”

              I sat on the couch for a little while after that before I decided I should get settled in the guest room and give Perry a call.  I made my way down the hall, careful to keep quiet so I didn’t disturb Sam or Kim, and changed into my pajamas.  I was eager to get comfortable – it had been a long drive, even longer than yesterday – and worrying about Perry constantly didn’t help to ease my exhaustion.

              As soon as I flopped down on the bed, which wasn’t quite as comfortable as my own, I felt myself starting to drift off.  My phone was in my hand, but I couldn’t fight sleep any longer.  Everything was catching up to me and I fell asleep faster than I ever had.

 

              I didn’t wake for several hours after that – and the only reason I did wake up was because of my phone buzzing insistently in my hand.  Without thinking or even opening my eyes, I put the phone to my ear.

              “Hullo?” I mumbled, my voice thick with sleep.

              “JD?” came Perry’s voice, sounding quite worried.  “Are you okay?  Are you at Kim’s?”

              “What?  Yeah, yeah, I got here a couple hours ago, but I sort of just crashed.  Long day and everything…  Sorry I didn’t call.”

              Perry let out a breath.  “It’s all right.  I’m just glad you got there safe.  Had me pretty worried, Newbie.”

              I smiled softly, sitting up against the headboard.  “Speaking of being worried, how are you feeling?” I asked, stopping myself just before I reached over to the other side of the bed, expecting to feel him there.

              “Kelso sent me home for the next few days,” Perry grumbled.  “I am the lucky recipient of a concussion and some bruised ribs.  He made sure to make it known that he isn’t happy about having _two_ doctors gone at the same time, but Carla told me he went on quite the tirade after they restrained the meth head.”

              “Oh, Perry,” I said sadly.  “How did you get home?  Did Carla take you?”

              “No, actually Gandhi did.  Carla had to work late, but he was off when they discharged me and he offered.  I don’t think he actually expected me to take him up on it, though.  And you’ll be thrilled to know that he even walked me inside and made sure I was okay.”

              “Well, that was nice of him,” I said, making a mental note to thank Turk.  “I’m so sorry that happened, Per.  I wish I was there with you.”

              Perry was quiet for a moment before he spoke again.  “Why don’t you go back to sleep, angel?  I’m sure you’re still tired.  Give Sam a kiss for me.”

              “Okay,” I agreed, wondering if Perry’s pause meant that he wished I was there with him, too.  “I love you so much.  Just take it easy and I’ll be home before you know it.”

              “Love you, too, Newbie.  G’night.”

              I set my phone on the table beside the bed and slid back down, actually taking the time to crawl under the sheets this time.  Sleep didn’t come as easily at it had before; now my mind was full of thoughts of Perry being alone and in pain and me a thousand miles away from him.  I could only hope that things would be easier once Kim moved back with Sam so I wouldn’t feel so torn.

             

              When I woke up, I wandered out into the living room and found Kim holding Sam.  She looked more well-rested than she had the night before, but I still felt guilty. 

              “Morning,” she said in greeting.  “How’d you sleep?”

              I shrugged and sat down beside her, unable to keep my eyes off Sam.  “Kim, there’s something I have to tell you,” I sighed.  “A patient attacked Perry yesterday while he was working.  He has a concussion and bruised ribs and I don’t…  I don’t think I can leave him alone.”

              Kim nodded slowly.  “So you’re leaving.”  It wasn’t a question and the tone of her voice killed me.

              “I’m so sorry,” I said regretfully.  “Can – can I just hold him for a while?”

              Kim looked at me for a long moment before she handed Sam to me.  “Look, JD, I know it’s not your fault, but this sucks,” she said bluntly.  I couldn’t blame her for being upset.  “You know, I don’t get to pick and choose when to be a mom.  I’m Sam’s mom _all the time_.  But you… you just show up and say one thing and then you change your mind and run the other direction.  It can’t be like this.”

              “I’m trying so hard,” I said honestly.  “It’s been killing me to be apart from Sam for so long, but Perry needs me, too.  Once you move back, I swear, it’ll be better.”

              “And until then, I have to take care of Sam, try and find a place to live, pack everything I own, and somehow get from here back to California with a newborn.  Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?  You’re never here, JD, and when you are, you’re preoccupied with Perry.  Even when I call you, you’re with him.”

              “I thought you said you were happy for me!” I said helplessly.  “You told me we owed it to ourselves to find –”

              “The right person,” Kim finished for me.  “I know what I said, okay?  But I’m starting to think that your boyfriend is more important to you than your son.”

              “Come on, don’t say that,” I said, now verging on desperate.  “I – I love Perry.  And I love Sam, too.  Please don’t think that I don’t.  I know that it seems like I don’t care or that I’m not trying, but Kim, I’m trying _so_ hard.”

              “Oh,” Kim laughed bitterly, “because _trying_ to visit your son every so often must be so difficult for you.  I must have no idea what that’s like, being here and taking care of him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.”

              “You’re angry with me,” I sighed.  “I get it.  I do.  And I never intended on leaving early this weekend, but he… Perry’s _hurt_ , Kim.  I can’t just leave him.”

              “Do what you want, JD,” Kim muttered.  “But unless you get your priorities straight, you’re going to have to be the one explaining to Sam why you only see him once every few weeks.”

              “It’s not going to be like that.  It won’t.  I will do everything I can to get you guys moved back and then I’ll take Sam as much as you want me to.  I’m not going to be that kind of father, Kim, I swear I’m not.  I love him and I still care about you.  I want both of you to be happy.”

              Kim stared at me before abruptly getting up off the couch.  “If you’re going to go, then go.  Put Sam in his crib when you leave.  It was great getting to see you for a half hour.”

              I watched her go, my heart breaking.  Just when I had thought that everything was falling into place, I had to go and fuck it all up.  Kim’s frustration with me was completely justifiable, but I couldn’t just pretend that Perry wasn’t hurting and all alone.  Jordan had the kids and Turk, Carla, and Elliot were working all weekend.  I didn’t want to think of this as choosing between one or the other, between my son and the person I loved, but that was how Kim saw it. 

              “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, looking down at Sam.  He was looking back up at me and he didn’t seem too bothered about the situation.  “I promise things’ll be different soon and you’ll see a lot more of me.  I love you so much, Sammy.  Just go easy on your mom right now… She’s pretty mad at me.  I’d be mad at me, too.  But she loves you, too, so just hang on, all right?  I’ll come visit again soon and then before you know it, you’ll be in California, by me and Perry, and then no one will have to fight.  But right now, I have to go and I’m so sorry, buddy.”

 

* * *

 

 

              I made it to the Oregon border before I lost it.  I’d only been driving for a little more than two hours, but I couldn’t take it anymore – the crushing guilt I felt for leaving Sam and Kim and the overwhelming worrying about Perry proved to be more than I could handle.  I pulled over on the side of the freeway – which was probably not the best spot for a breakdown – and put my car in park.  All at once, tears began to fall.  I hated that I was breaking down at all, but that only made me feel worse.  Part of me wanted to call Perry just to hear his voice, but I didn’t want to explain everything that had happened over the phone.  Besides, I didn’t know how he was feeling today and if he was getting some rest, I didn’t want to wake him.

              After fifteen minutes, I managed to pull myself together enough that I could get back on the road.  I chanced a look in my rearview mirror and saw the red splotches on my cheeks and my swollen eyes.  I looked away quickly and hoped that would be cleared up by the time I got home.  I had a long, long drive ahead of me and planned to do it straight through apart from stopping for gas and food.  The only thought that kept me going along the miles and miles of the I-5 was that as soon as I got home, I could wrap my arms around Perry and not let go for as long as I wanted.

              I had left Kim’s early in the morning, but with my stops every several hours, I didn’t get home until a little after one the next morning.  I doubted Perry would be awake, but I was grateful he’d given me a key to his apartment already because I didn’t want to spend the night alone.  I felt like a zombie when I got out of the car at his place and debated just leaving my suitcase, but decided against it.  I was yawning every minute or so and was sure I looked like hell, but Perry wouldn’t care.

              As quietly as I could manage, I unlocked the door to his apartment and left my suitcase by the door, out of the way.  Once my shoes were off, I padded down the hall to the master bedroom.  As usual, the door was cracked open just enough that if Perry had had the kids, he would be able to hear them if they woke; he was a much lighter sleeper than I was, which was why I was being practically silent.  I could just barely make out his sleeping form on the bed, facing toward me with his arms wrapped around a pillow.  And sure enough, my sweatshirt was there, bunched up between his chest and the pillow.  The sight melted my heart.  It was too dark to tell how badly he was injured, but judging by what both he and Turk had told me, he was likely to have some pretty gnarly bruises on his face. 

              I slipped out of my jeans and carefully climbed into bed, freezing when Perry stirred for a few moments.  I didn’t want to wake him if I could help it and I was exhausted myself.  Of course, I’d have to explain what had happened in the morning, but it could wait until then.  Miraculously, I was able to make my way onto the bed and under the covers and I curled up facing Perry with only the pillow he was clutching left between us.  I already felt relaxed just being in the same bed as him and soon enough, I started to drift off.

 

              When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was there was something resting solidly against my chest.  Instantly, I knew it was Perry.  I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not, but I wasn’t about to go anywhere.  I pressed my face into his curls, though I was careful to avoid disturbing his stitches, and tightened my hold on him.  I had missed him so much, but actually having him back in my arms was even better than I had imagined.  The sheer relief I felt at being with Perry once again seemed to cancel out my guilt from leaving Kim and Sam, but I wasn’t sure how long that’d last.

              I had been awake for almost an hour when Perry finally began to stir.  He sighed and he burrowed his face into my shoulder.  I held him close and rubbed his back, being as gentle as possible so I didn’t hurt his already tender ribs.  Perry groaned softly and slowly lifted his head.  He looked at me, his eyes bleary and unfocused from sleep.

              “Hey,” I murmured just before I sucked in a sharp breath.  With the bit of light that filtered in from behind the curtains, I could clearly see the bruises along Perry’s jaw and just below his eye.  “Perry, oh my god.”

              “What?” Perry asked, his brows knitting together.  “JD, what are you doing here?”

              I reached out to touch his cheek, feeling emotion swell within me at the state he was in.  “I had to come home,” I said softly.  “I knew you were downplaying things… How big was this guy?”

              Perry shook his head as if he was trying to clear it.  “You… you left Sam and Kim,” he said slowly, “to come home and take care of me?”

              I nodded.  “Yeah, I did,” I sighed.  “You didn’t sound right on the phone and I missed you like crazy and I knew you’d never _ask_ me to come home so I just… did.”

              Perry sat himself up and leaned back against the headboard, still looking like he couldn’t believe I was here.  “How’d Kim take it?”

              I bit my lip, considering telling Perry she was okay with it, but I couldn’t lie to him.  “She’s really upset with me,” I admitted.  “And I don’t blame her, but I think she feels like I’m not trying at all when I’m actually trying so fucking hard to make all of this work and it’s just not good enough either way.  I don’t know what else I can do.”

              “Hey, come on, now,” Perry said, using that firm yet gentle voice that never failed to calm me.  “Take a breath, Newbie.  Everything’s going to work out fine.  _I_ know you’re trying and I’m sure Kim does, too.  She’s just frustrated right now, and understandably so, so just give her some time to cool down before you go trying to make it right again.  And for the record, you didn’t _have_ to come home, but I – I’m happy you’re here.”

              I gave Perry a soft smile and pressed a kiss to his cheek.  “When Turk called me and told me, I was so worried.  Still am, kinda.  I’m glad you’re okay, but don’t do anything like that again, all right?”

              Perry chuckled and rested his head against mine.  “I’ll do my best not to get attacked again,” he muttered.  “Kelso really is upset about the whole thing.  I’m not pressing charges or anything, but I think he’s having Ted put out some pamphlet about proper safety measures with volatile patients.”

              “Good,” I said seriously.  “He should.  This shouldn’t have happened at all, but I’m glad it wasn’t any worse.  Speaking of which, how are you feeling?”

              Perry shrugged.  “Sore.  Minor headache, but I feel okay.  I’m a little foggy here and there, but that’s to be expected with the concussion.  Got some nice bruises all over the place, too.”

              I frowned, lacing my fingers through Perry’s.  “I’m so sorry.  How long are you taking off?”

              “Kelso said to let him know when I’m comfortable returning to work.  As soon as I can think clearly, I’ll go back, but I don’t want to cause any problems or put a patient’s care in jeopardy.  So, I suppose you’re stuck with me at least for the rest of your vacation.”

              “I think I can live with that,” I said, a smile slowly inching its way onto my face.  “Hey.”

              “Hey,” Perry responded, lifting a hand to brush his thumb over my cheek.  “Thanks for coming home, kiddo.”

              I leaned into Perry’s touch and closed my eyes.  “Home,” I repeated in a whisper.  It occurred to me that home was wherever Perry was and I didn’t want that to ever change. 


	6. You and I Will Be the Ones Who Found Out What Forever Means

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've absolutely LOVED writing this fic, which is the first sequel to any of my works that I've ever written. Rest assured that at some point, there will indeed be a sequel to this sequel. Until then, please enjoy and let me know your thoughts! :)

              “Kim, go _home_ ,” I insisted, cradling Sam against my chest.  “We’ll be perfectly fine tonight.  You deserve to relax for a while.  You can come pick him up whenever you want, okay?”

              “If you’re sure,” Kim said hesitantly.  “I’ve never spent the night away from him before…”

              “I’m positive,” I maintained.  “You can get settled at your new place and I can show Sam around my apartment.  It’ll be great.”  I smiled brightly at her, physically unable to contain my excitement at finally having them back in the same city as me.  It had taken a lot of talking and a few tours through houses via FaceTime to get them here, but two months after my ill-timed visit to Tacoma, it had finally happened. 

              “All right,” Kim finally agreed.  “You have my cell number, so if you need anything, call me.  Thanks for everything, JD.”

              I pulled her into a sideways hug while keeping Sam safely tucked against me.  “Don’t mention it.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

              “See you,” Kim replied, eyeing Sam’s drooping eyelids.  “Bye, Sammy.  I love you.”

              I lifted Sam’s hand and waved to Kim, grinning.  “He says goodbye, too.”

              Kim rolled her eyes and cracked a smile.  “Okay, you two.  Have fun and seriously, call me if you need me.”

              “Leave, Kim,” I chuckled, ushering her to the door.  “Everything’s going to be just fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

              It turned out that “just fine” was a relative term.  I had gotten Sam to sleep that evening with very little trouble and was rather pleased with myself, though I didn’t doubt that Kim often had a lot of trouble doing so.  Trouble, for me, didn’t come until very early the next morning, around three.  Despite being a heavy sleeper, Sam seemed to have no trouble rousing me via the baby monitor on my nightstand.  Before I’d even opened my eyes, I vaulted out of bed and was halfway down the hall toward the nursery that had once been a spare bedroom.

              “Oh, Sammy,” I sighed, reaching down into his crib to pick him up.  “What’s the matter, buddy?”

              His only response was to wail louder and, as it turned out, nothing I said to him or did for him seemed to make any difference.  I tried feeding him, changing him, burping him, rocking him, and singing to him, all with increasing anxiety.  Was I doing something wrong?  As far as I knew, I wasn’t doing anything that Kim wouldn’t have done or that Perry wouldn’t have done.  Yet, none of it was working.  After nearly an hour of rocking my screaming child I pulled out my phone.  I hated to do it, but I had one last option before I actually did call Kim and ask for her advice.

              The phone rang four times before Perry answered.  I felt terrible for waking him, but Kim had to be my last resort; if she didn’t think I could handle one night taking care of Sam, would she ever let me have him again?

              “You know it’s three in the morning, right?” Perry muttered into the phone.  I had hoped that there’d be a chance that he’d already been awake with Jennifer, but had no such luck.  It was Sunday morning and Jordan would be coming to pick up Jack and Jennifer around noon.

              “I’m so sorry,” I said quickly, “but I’ve tried everything and I can’t get Sam to stop crying and I’m kind of freaking out here.”

              Perry sighed and I could hear the sheets rustling as Perry moved around in bed.  “Just take a deep breath, Newbie,” he said calmly.  “Have you tried feeding him?”

              “I’ve done all of it,” I said desperately.  “Fed him, burped him, changed him, and now I’m pacing around and he’s _still_ crying.”

              “Yeah, I can hear that.  Why don’t you sit down, try rocking him.”

              I did as Perry instructed, sinking down into the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery.  I’d bought it the same day Kim’s offer on her house had been accepted.  I’d had everything else already.  I held Sam against my chest with my phone wedged between my shoulder and my ear.  “I’m really sorry I woke you up,” I said again, knowing how stressed and tired I sounded.

              “Just relax, Newbie, it’s okay,” Perry said soothingly.  “You’re doing just fine.  Now, you’re never going to get him to go back to sleep if _you_ don’t calm down.  More deep breaths, all right?”

              I closed my eyes as I did as I was told, working on evening out my breathing.  “I’m so tired,” I murmured.  “I thought I was doing something wrong.”

              “You’re exhausted,” Perry pointed out.  “You worked a twelve-hour shift today in addition to helping Kim move all weekend.  And now you’ve been up for who knows how long with a crying baby.  I’ve gone through the same thing, thinking you’re not meant to be a father or that someone else could be doing a much better job.”

              “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” I sighed.

              “I haven’t even met Sam yet, JD, and I know you’re doing just fine,” Perry said seriously.  “I see how you are with Jack and Jennifer.  You’re great with kids and I know you love them.  Don’t get caught up in your thoughts.”

              “But I’m so good at it,” I said, actually cracking a smile.

              “Yes, well, as much as you love overthinking things, you don’t need to.  See, Sam’s already stopped crying, hasn’t he?”

              I looked down at Sam and blinked in surprise.  “Yeah, he has,” I said in awe.  “Wow.  Thanks, Per.”

              “Don’t mention it,” Perry chuckled.  “Now put him back to bed and get some rest.  I’ll stop over tomorrow after Jordan picks up the kids, all right?”

              “Okay,” I agreed, carefully getting up and placing Sam back in his crib.  “I miss you.”

              “I miss you, too, angel,” Perry said softly as I walked back down the hall to my room.  “Even though it’s only been forty-eight hours since I’ve seen you.”

              I smiled to myself and climbed back into bed.  “That’s a long time,” I joked.  “We’ve both been pretty busy lately.”

              “We’ll find some time together soon,” Perry promised.  “Like tomorrow.  I can stay over if you’d like.”

              “That sounds perfect,” I said through a yawn.  “I can’t wait.”

              “Go to sleep,” Perry laughed.  “I’ll see you soon.”

              “Mhmm,” I hummed, my eyes already closed.  “G’night, Perry.  Love you.”

              “I love you, too,” Perry replied.  His voice was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

              Kim showed up quite early that morning, which didn’t really surprise me.  I was sure she’d missed Sam like crazy. 

              “How’d it go last night?” she asked me as I helped her gather up Sam’s things that she was taking back to her house. 

              “Honestly, it was a little rough,” I admitted, blushing.  “I wasn’t planning on telling you about it because I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle him.”

              “What happened?” she asked curiously, pausing in her movements.

              I sighed.  “He went to bed easy enough, but woke up around two in the morning and no matter what I did, he just wouldn’t stop crying.  I sorta freaked out a little and ended up calling Perry.  I couldn’t bring myself to call you – I’d feel too bad about it – but he talked me through it and eventually Sam fell back asleep.”

              Much to my surprise, Kim started giggling.

              “What’s so funny?” I asked incredulously.

              “Well, you didn’t think it was going to be _easy_ , did you?” Kim said through her laughter.  “That’s how most of my nights go, JD.  He doesn’t sleep through the night much.”

              “Well, I figured that, but I thought I was doing something wrong,” I mumbled, feeling a little foolish.

              “I’m sure you did everything right,” Kim said, suddenly much more serious.  “I trust you to take good care of Sammy.  It’ll get better the more you have him.  But I think I missed him way too much to have you take him for another night.”

              “It’s all right,” I said, smiling.  “Perry’s coming over later, after Jordan picks up the kids, and we’re spending the day together.”

              “Ooh, getting lucky tonight, Dr. Dorian?” Kim teased, grinning at me as she slung Sam’s diaper bag over her shoulder.

              “You bet I am,” I said proudly.  “He’s very impressive, y’know.”

              “And that is about as much information about your sex life as I want!” Kim exclaimed. 

              I laughed and handed Sam over to her.  “Fair enough,” I allowed.  “I’ll talk to you later.  Bye, Sammy!”

              I walked them to the door and once they were gone, I headed back inside to shower so I’d be ready for when Perry came over.  It _had_ only been a couple days since I’d seen him, but whenever I was apart from Perry, I missed him.  Judging by the way he spoke and acted when we reunited after being separated for a while, he felt exactly the same way.

              Not longer after I got out of the shower – and debated getting dressed, but ultimately decided that it would save time if I just wrapped a towel around my waist – there was a knock on my front door.  Eagerly, I hopped up off the couch and pulled the door open, a brilliant smile on my face.

              Instead of greeting me with words, Perry cut to the chase and pulled me right up against him and kissed me hard.  I didn’t mind in the slightest, which I’m sure was obvious to him as I wound my arms around his neck.  I dragged him over to the couch, leaving him to kick the door shut behind him.

              “I missed you,” I whispered as I started pushing his shirt up.  “So, so much.”

              “Yeah, missed you, too,” Perry breathed, threading his fingers into my hair.  I knew he liked it when I took control, though it wasn’t something I did very often.  Once his shirt was off, I latched onto his neck and he arched into my touch.

              I took it upon myself to strip Perry, kissing him as much and as often as I could while I did so.  Once he was naked, I pushed him down onto the couch and dropped the towel from around my waist and straddled him, rolling my hips against him.  He groaned, his hands flying to my hips. 

              “Fuck, JD,” he choked out.  “Want you.  Want to be inside you.”

              “Good thing,” I purred, nipping at Perry’s neck just below his ear and grinning when I felt him shudder.  I pulled away and reached into the end table beside the couch and pulled out a travel-sized bottle of lube.  “I came prepared,” I said, waving it at him.

              “Oh, I love you,” Perry said, smirking back at me as he took the bottle from me.  He squeezed a generous amount into his hand, which he then wrapped around himself.

              “Mm, love you, too,” I said breathlessly as I watched him.  “Want to know a secret?”

              “Please enlighten me,” Perry said, looking right into my eyes as he continued to stroke himself.

              The sight was so mouthwatering I almost forgot what I was going to tell him, but it was rather important, so I pulled myself back to the present.  “As you might have guessed, I took a shower before you got here and I may have done some prep work.”

              “Prep work, huh?” Perry said, arching an eyebrow.  “Just exactly how much did you do?”

              “Well, I didn’t think you bought me that toy just so I could look at it,” I murmured, gently moving Perry’s hand out of the way so I could stroke him instead.  “It’s quickly become one of my favorites, you know.  Had me moaning your name…”

              Perry growled and kissed me hard as he pulled me closer.  “Damn it, JD,” he groaned.

              I took that as a hint and slowly lowered myself down onto Perry’s cock, letting out a low moan.  Perry placed his hands back on my hips, but didn’t attempt to guide me, just let me have the control.  I started out at a slow pace, drawing in shaky breaths.

              “You always feel so good,” I whimpered, rolling my hips just for the reaction from Perry.

              I was rewarded with a moan from him and he ran his hands from my hips, over the top of my thighs, and to my ass.  “So do you, angel,” he managed, looking up at me in awe, as if I was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen.  He always looked at me that way, and it made me love him all the more.

              I gradually started increasing my pace, rocking my hips faster and then locking onto the angle that brought me the most pleasure.  Moans fell from my mouth often and with increasing desperation and soon after, Perry gripped my hips tighter and started thrusting up into me.  I leaned in to kiss him deeply, whimpering against his lips.

              “Yes, yes, yes,” I gasped, beyond thinking.  “Don’t stop, Perry, feels so good…”

              “Not gonna stop,” Perry choked out, watching me intently.  “Not ‘til you come for me.”

              I threaded my fingers into Perry’s hair, both of us rocking together in a perfect rhythm that had been building up to one intense point of pleasure that was just about to wash over me.  Sure enough, moments later, I was coming hard, my cock spasming between us as I let out a choked sob.  I heard Perry curse as I buried my face in his neck, riding out my high, and soon he let go, my name falling from his lips as he thrust into me once, twice, three more times, his whole body shaking.

              I practically went limp on top of him once both of us were finished.  “Welcome home,” I mumbled as Perry pressed soft kisses to my shoulder.

              “Glad to be home,” Perry murmured, running his hands over my back.  “Jack was asking about you all weekend, you know.  Think he missed you.”

              I smiled and kissed Perry’s neck, my eyes still closed.  “I missed him, too.  He’s a great kid.”

              “Yeah, he is,” Perry agreed.  “How’d Sam do the rest of the night?”

              “He woke up once more around five, but went back to sleep after I changed him.  Kim came and got him around nine.  She definitely missed him too much to wait any longer.  Thanks for talking me through everything, though.”

              “That’s what I’m here for, Newbie,” Perry said warmly.  “Anything you need, you name it.”

              I straightened up just enough to kiss Perry on the lips.  “Right now, you’re all I need,” I said softly, pulling back to look at him, hoping he’d understand just how much he meant to me.

              Perry kissed me again and nodded.  “I love you.  Don’t you ever forget that.”

              “I’m not sure I could even if I wanted to,” I said fondly.  “You remind me too often for that to happen.”

              Perry smiled.  “Come on, what do you say we get cleaned up and then do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day?”

              “I say that sounds fan _tas_ tic,” I agreed, sliding off Perry’s lap.  “Stay put.  I’ll be right back.”

              I hurried into the bathroom, surprised that my legs were working, and cleaned myself off with a damp washcloth, then brought one out to do the same for Perry.  When I finished, Perry laid down on the couch and patted the spot in front of him.  I smiled and laid down there, pulling a nearby blanket over us. 

              “Remember when you offered to spoon me the first time I was at your apartment?” I asked him, my grin widening when he wrapped his arm around me from behind. 

              “Vividly,” Perry chuckled.  “Wish I actually would have.  Might have saved us some trouble, wouldn’t you say?”

              “Just a little,” I agreed, settling back against Perry’s chest and closing my eyes.  “All that trouble paid off, though.”

              “Sure did,” Perry said softly.  “Hey, Newbie?”

              “Yeah?”

              “I’ve got a proposal for you,” Perry said cautiously.

              My heart very nearly stopped and I turned around in Perry’s arms, my eyes going wide.  “A – a proposal?” I repeated, wondering if Perry meant what I _thought_ he meant.

              Perry stared at me for a second and then seemed to realize what I was thinking.  “I – I didn’t mean that,” he said awkwardly.  “Not that I’m opposed to it, someday.  What I wanted to ask you was if you’d want to consider finding a house, you know, together.”

              “Oh,” I said, letting out my breath in a rush.  “I – yeah, yeah, definitely.  Of course, Perry.”

              “That was probably the wrong way to phrase things, huh?” Perry said, giving me a weak smile.

              “I mean, maybe a little,” I admitted, returning the smile.

              “JD, I can promise you that that’ll come,” Perry said, turning serious in an instant.  “I want to be with you for the rest of my life.  I just don’t want to get ahead of ourselves.”

              I nodded and kissed Perry softly.  “I couldn’t agree more.  One thing at a time.  But as far as moving in together, I’m totally on board.  Neither of our places are really big enough for us and all three kids, so we might as well find something bigger.”

              “That’s what I was thinking,” Perry agreed.  “I’ve actually been looking at some properties online and thought we could go look at a few later this week.”

              “I’d love that,” I said happily.  “Tell me about them.”

              “One’s just outside the city.  It’s got four bedrooms, three baths, a finished basement with room for an office if we wanted one.  There’s a nice-sized backyard, too, for the kids.  And maybe we could get a dog that isn’t dead and stuffed.”

              I grinned, beaming up at Perry.  “I love it already.  What color is it?”

              “That’s what you want to know?” Perry chuckled. 

              “It’s an important part of buying a house.  I don’t want a yellow house.  Please tell me it’s not yellow.”

              “It’s not yellow,” Perry said fondly.  “It’s mostly brick with some beige accents.  It’s been remodeled in the last few years so all the appliances and amenities are up-to-date.”

              “So, did you make an appointment for a showing yet?” I asked eagerly.  “I want to see this place.”

              “I wanted to wait and make sure you were on-board first,” Perry said, “but I’ll get on that first thing tomorrow morning.”

              “I’m totally on-board,” I assured him.  “Were you nervous about asking me?”

              “I – a little,” Perry shrugged.  “I mean, I really hoped you’d say yes, but I wasn’t sure if it was too quick for you.”

              “Perry, I told you I loved you on our first date,” I reminded him.  “I think we’re pretty okay with moving too quickly.”

              “You make a good point,” Perry laughed.  “And, if it’s possible, I think I’ve loved you more and more every day since.”

              I beamed up at him and pulled him down for a tender kiss.  “Yeah, me too,” I breathed.  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Perry.  It’s crazy to think that we’ve only been together for three months.”

              “Known you for a lot longer than that, though,” Perry said.  “It’s been one hell of a ride, hasn’t it?”

              “That’s the understatement of the century,” I chuckled.  “But I’m pretty happy with how we ended up.”

              “You and me both, Newbie.”

              We laid there on the couch for a while, with Perry’s arm wrapped around me.  My eyes were closed, but I wasn’t ready to go to sleep.  All I could think about was the fact that Perry had essentially promised to marry me someday.  It didn’t have to be tomorrow or even a year from now.  Just the fact that he wanted to, that he’d thought about it already made my heart swell. 

              Eventually, I slid off the couch after promising Perry I’d be right back, and headed off toward the bathroom, though not before grabbing my phone from the bedroom.  Once in the bathroom, I dialed Turk’s number, grinning from ear to ear.

              “What’s up, V-Bear?” Turk answered.

              “You will never guess what just happened,” I gushed.

              “Uh, you got laid? You know, dude, you don’t have to call me every time you and Perry have sex.”

              I rolled my eyes.  “I don’t call you _every_ time,” I sighed.  “I mean, we did, but that’s not why I called.  Perry said he wants to marry me!”

              “You got engaged?” Turk cried, his voice going up about two octaves.

              “Not yet,” I said quickly.  “Just listen, okay?  We’re not rushing anything there, but he promised that it’ll happen eventually, that he wants it to, and we’re going to go look at houses later this week.”

              “Holy crap,” Turk said in awe.  “JD, that’s awesome.  I’m really happy for you guys.”

              “I just… He wants to _marry_ me, Turk.  That’s huge.  I almost can’t wrap my head around it.”

              “What, you didn’t think he’d want to?” Turk asked in confusion.

              “Well, I mean, I knew he loved me, but I didn’t know if he’d want to – to take it that far, I guess?”

              “Dude, if you’re too blind to see that he’d bend over backwards for you at the drop of a hat, I don’t know what to tell you,” Turk laughed.  “Just watching you guys these last few months has made that pretty damn obvious.  He would do anything for you.  Honestly, I’m surprised he _hasn’t_ proposed yet.”

              “Wow,” I breathed.  I already knew those things, but hearing it from someone else was a totally different thing.  “I – I gotta go.  I’ll talk to you later.”

              I hung up on Turk before he could say another word and walked back out into the living room.  When I looked up, Perry was standing there in his boxers, an expectant expression on his face.  I stopped in the doorway and looked at him, my heart pounding.

              “Perry, will you marry me?” I blurted out.


End file.
